The Beer's Prayer

Now, I love beer. I don't, however, love being abso-bloody-lutely drunk outside my blooming mind. Never as a kid did I believe myself to appreciate the time and effort brewing beer takes. Upon my first proper pint last year on my twenty-first, I discovered a new-found love and appreciation for this alcoholic beverage loved by many and frowned upon by several others who just don't drink enough to get over their problems. 

As thanks for the memories, I propose a prayer to Beer be established: 

The Prayer to Beer as found in Inebriation, Chapter Seven; Verse Four:

Our Father who art inebriated

Sobered be thy name.

Thy pitcher full,

And pint glass filled,

In bars as it is at home.

Give us this night our daily shot,

And bless us our kegs,

As we bless those who tap amongst us.

And lead us not unto Keystone,

But deliver us to Shiner.

For the keg stand, dropshot, and beer pong are yours,

Now and forever.

Amen.

And I just wrote that. By me, for the masses to be recited at the beginning of each social event involving our precious......whatever type beer, porter, ale, stout to be enjoyed. 

Enough to be said on my devotion to beer. Now, onward to relevant information!

Friday proved me wrong with yet another round of cinematic entertainment. Will Ferrell and Zac Galifianakis fight the good fight in The Candidate which, surprisingly, hit a Fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones star as an interesting duo in Hope Springs also coming in on the Fresh rating. And, finally, Jeremy Renner picks up where Matt Damon left off in the ass-kicking department with The Bourne Legacy continuing a new trilogy where The Bourne Supremacy ended.

Firstly, no, I haven't seen any of the above mentioned films. I will as time permits. I have, however, seen the trailer for the Red Dawn remake starring Thor himself, Chris Hemsworth and Josh Peck as the Eckert brothers. If you hated the original, no offense, but f*ck you. Every teenager back in the Cold war era probably imagined sniping off some Russkies. How the hell should I know, right? I'm just a kid who was born right when the Soviet Union collapsed. Well, when you start imagining North Korea taking over Asia and Europe, then invading the U.S. and wiping out our entire infrastructure, you tend to start developing some common grounds with your Cold War counterparts.

Last month, I finally got around to playing Homefront, that poorly developed game by Kaos Studios. In a future where the communist North Koreans become the premier superpower in the entire f*cking world, the U.S. falls under the might of the wimpy offspring of an already satirized Kim Jong-Il (Kim Jong-Un for those not following). What I'm wondering is how the f*ck can a government not fall over laughing over the fact that a five foot Korean kid managed to overthrow multiple governments. An assassin can easily step on the Short Round wannabe and bingo. Crisis averted. We're saved thanks to my size fourteen combat boot.

Overall, Thanksgiving just got better. WOLVERINES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, and guess what everybody?! BORDERLANDS 2 IS ALMOST HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!! OOOOOOOMMMMMMGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!

.......sorry about that. But I will have the big, bad-ass Ultimate Loot Chest edition that I posted a while back. We'll crack that sucker open when 18 September rolls around.

I'm tired right now, so keep eyes and ears open for the latest news circling the interwebs. Check out Bethesda's Dishonored hitting shelves 8 October. I will have that as well as Assassin's Creed III (collector's, of course) on 30 October followed by Resident Evil Six on 6 November. Gear up for one of the greatest f*cking gaming seasons ever.

Until then, remember rule #67- Always bring a book with you to work even if you don't think you'll have time to read.

Jonesy signing off.