Thar Be Pirates!

Arg, thar she blows! Yes, indeed, the leaked information has revealed the next Assassin's Creed game. Ubisoft released the remaining details early Monday morning for the adoring fans (myself included) to ponder why the f*ck they're continuing in the 18th century. AC III gave us the later portion of the 1700s, so why must we (for the first time in the series) back-track on the time-line? The fifth installment better not continue the Kenway saga. Why not go for broke in World War One? I mean, hey Ubisoft, you f*cked up royally with battlefields of the American Revolution, so how about you try again with trench warfare? Make it a real challenge to dodge thousands of bullets coming at you in rapid succession. Why not do what Pandemic did and give World War Two a shot? If the Templars vs Assassins duel is what you want, then why not involved Hitler with the Templar's scheme to bring the world into his own version of order and balance? 

I am asking way too many questions this early in the game. With Assassin's Creed IV due out later this holiday season, we'll have plenty of time to bitch (or praise) whatever Ubisoft dishes up. Should I keep ending sentences with a preposition? Is that proper grammar? Am I an English major? Do grizzly bears eat salmon? 

Anyway, pre-order Assassin's Creed IV at your local Gamestop and pick up a sweet double-sided poster with an incredible artwork from Todd MacFarlane and a map of the world on the back-side. I won't show it because everyone loves a surprise. 

So, it's technically Tuesday 5 March which means................Tomb Raider and Wreck-It Ralph are out!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now, like every single boy growing up in the 90s, I've had a fantasy crush on Lara Croft. Who hasn't? She's the ideal fictional woman: adventurous, smart, brunette, dangerous, handles weapons well, athletic, and has curves so damn smooth she might as well be silk. Since I was six years old and my brother bought the very first Tomb Raider game, Lara Croft has been an essential part of my mid- to late-childhood and onward into my adolescence and now early adulthood. From the games to the comics to the movies and now back to the games, I've followed her every adventure from those early days of avoiding the T-Rex to paying only $17 for Underworld when I should've paid full price (thanks, Gamestop, for putting Underworld in instead of the Anniversary edition). Tomb Raider has had one of the most lucrative existences within the entertainment industries. Simply put, Lara Croft will never fade and I'm perfectly fine with such. 

As promised last post, I will have the collector's edition sometime within the next twenty-four hours. Details, pictures, and a review will be up as time allows. I'll try to cover as much in the game as I can with the time off this week. My hopes are that this game will redeem my f*cked decision to buy Gearbox's latest disappointment as I've so colorfully mentioned in the past. We will never speak its name again. Just know Hudson was right: 

Ripley was right as well: 

All rights and respects belong to Twentieth Century Fox and the brilliant James Cameron, Bill Paxton, and Sigourney Weaver for delivery such wisdom to so many. 

Keep your station tuned to The Late Duck, all you daring adventurers. All the news in the latest fashion possible for those with the "I-have-to-work-or-I'll-die" affliction. Hey, don't feel bad. We all get it sometime. While I haven't yet, I have a feeling it's coming. Dun, dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnnn........

The Crash has landed.