Whoever thought working through a backlog of video games would be such a chore? Last semester truly caused me to miss nearly every new release from August to December. I mean, you're talking to the guy who finally picked up both the Back to the Future game and Mass Effect 3. Mass Effect 3, mind you, a game that came out nearly a year ago. With BoF having a release date of almost two years ago, let this be a stern reminder of the name of this blog. Indeed, it's another installment of The Late Duck with your stalwart host, Jonesy. Or is it Crash? I have yet decided on an official moniker for the Interwebs. As I'm still (most likely) just writing for myself and any possible future employers, inserting a poll for the decision-to-be-made is moot. Anyway........onward!
Apart from the games listed above, I recently acquired two downloads from PSN's "13 for '13" sale. Most of the selections are a 'meh' rating, but The Unfinished Swan and Warp took my interest by storm. For those who've heard of either, you also know these games are incredible. The Unfinished Swan puts you behind the view of Monroe, a young boy left orphaned by the death of his artistic mother. She left three-hundred paintings unfinished. Monroe is given the choice to take one painting with him to the orphanage. He chooses the unfinished swan, both his and his mother's favorite. A mysterious door appears which takes Monroe on a wild and rather intriguing adventure through his mother's unfinished artwork. The game is Move compatible, so if you have the technology, I highly recommend picking this one up.
Warp puts you in the shoes of a scientific test subject imbued with 'warp' abilities. This allows you to move inside barrels, past barricades, across gaps and chasms, and inside your human opponents. Doing so grants the ability to literally blow them up from the inside like a meat-filled balloon. The queasy and weak-willed will not tolerate this game quite as much as the likes of say........everyone else.
Both games took forever and a day to download, so needless to say I'm not quite far in either. The Dead Space 3 demo finally launched and your truly has taken a peek. Dear sweet cinnamon rolls, Visceral's kicking gamers in the nuts one last time with Isaac Clarke and the Necromorph horde. I mean this in good-will, of course. DS3 will be one hell of a ride. Cooperative play plus an upgrading workbench or as I called it, the "Asimov Armory". You know.....because Isaac Clarke's named after Isaac Asimov and Arthur C. Clarke? Whether the joke lands or not, 5 February will be a much anticipated launch. As will 12 February with Colonial Marines. I promise a review for both games shortly after I acquire them which will be immediately on both fronts. Depending on whether DS3 succeeds or fails, I will consider it the official start of 2013's year in video games. If not, then DMC takes it.
Short post tonight, mes amis.
By the way, I wonder.......what DO you do with a BA in English?
Perhaps #77- Stare at jobs that you want, but can't dream of getting because you went for a BA in English.
Jonesy signing off.
27 January 2013
24 January 2013
The Collector's Edition
I graduated university little over a month ago. I still live at home, pay no rent, and only have insurance and a car note to pay per month. Aside from gas, I have no other necessary expenses. What, I wonder, should become of the surplus financial gain credited every two weeks to my bank account? Of course, I know, COLLECTOR'S EDITIONS!!!!!!!!! Video game developers are cunning individuals who escape the moniker of 'thieves' simply based upon the fact they design retail-based products. While I have the utmost respect for those individuals, I'll be damned if they don't pack a game with oodles of nerd swag. On that note, let's jump into tonight's ramble on, you guessed it: video game collector's editions. I promise one day I'll turn all of this text into spoken word. Until then, read on, minions!
So, let's go through each month and tackle the shiny, soon-to-be-mine editions. Please note that while others games are coming out in the following months, they do not have a legitimate collector's edition, only a 'limited edition' that packs mere downloadable content and nothing aesthetically pleasing.
January's pretty much done. Only a few notable games like Devil May Cry and Ni No Kuni.
February:
5th) Dead Space 3- if you're one of those hardcore Dead Space fans (and I mean hardcore like stalking Visceral's design team, you Necromorph, you) that has followed the series closely since October 2008, then you'll find the developer's edition quite enticing. For only $160, you can slice-and-dice that Necromorph horde in style. Included in this sizeable edition are the following: an eight inch Black Marker statuette, a med pack water bottle looking to be around the same height, a tin case designed by the game's lead artists Ben Wanat and Dino Ignacio, an aluminum 'data-pad' or note book, Dr. Serrano's journal, an artbook, posters, and more. Yeah, this may seem steep for a few bits of swag. Yeah, I love Dead Space to no ends. Yeah, I've been known to buy up almost every single bloody collector's edition since Dead Space 2. But for this, I'll keep to my standard edition. To score this fine pack, head on over to DS3ce.com.
March:
12th) God of War: Ascension- This takes us back before the events of the first game, yet still after pre-dickhole Kratos murdered his family. Am I the only one who honestly wants to see an non-asshole Kratos for once? Perhaps before he went psycho-batshit-insane and listened to gods who were about equal bastards? Kratos' latest adventure down Douchebag Boulevard is the first to include online multiplayer and if it's anything similar to the beta, no gods can help our struggle. The only thing that will comfort my disappointment will be the collector's edition. At a low $80, we'll receive an eight inch statue of Kratos, a steelbook case, the soundtrack, and digital downloads for future content. Pre-order at Gamestop to gain access to King Leonidas from Zack Snyder's 300.
23rd) Dead Island: Riptide- What the f*ck, UK? You put a chick's mangled corpse into your collector's edition? Seriously, what the f*ck? If you want to see the UK's edition of Riptide, Google your hearts out, but I shant. For us wholesome Americans, we get a little more PG-13 in the form of a zombie Hula girl, a severed hand bottle opener, and a bungalow key all packed inside a neat little travel suitcase! For only $80! I still don't care! But you might! Pre-order yours today!
May:
7th) The Last of Us: This could be the only game releasing this year and I'd be perfectly fine. Naughty Dog, you clever devils. Take Nathan Drake, grow a beard on him, toss him into Nature gone all bitch mode, and have him protect a little girl. Yeah, I'm sold. As if the launch trailer wasn't enough, the creative bastards at Naughty Dog drummed up two editions for our consumer delight. The smaller $100 Survival edition includes a full-sized artbook, steelbook case, variant issue #1 of the prequel comic, and downloadable content. Upping the ante $60, you'll miss out on the artbook, but gain a 12" statue of Joel and Ellie in the Post-Pandemic edition. The UK receieved special editions of their own, but neither includes the bad-ass statue. Suck it, Tommies.
Alright, ladies and gentlemen, there you have it. There are dozens of other titles launching this year, but for those swag hounds out there, these will hit your eyes first. Go out, pre-order, and be merry! Stay tuned as often as I post which hasn't been frequent. Never fear, mes amis! The Late Duck is still your seven-hundredth stop for all your game/film news!
As always, my customary sign off with what DO you do with a BA in English? #43- Wonder what life would have been like had you majored in neurobiology and minored in psychology.
Alas, my mind only comprehended Shakespeare and Keats.
Jonesy signing off.
So, let's go through each month and tackle the shiny, soon-to-be-mine editions. Please note that while others games are coming out in the following months, they do not have a legitimate collector's edition, only a 'limited edition' that packs mere downloadable content and nothing aesthetically pleasing.
January's pretty much done. Only a few notable games like Devil May Cry and Ni No Kuni.
February:
5th) Dead Space 3- if you're one of those hardcore Dead Space fans (and I mean hardcore like stalking Visceral's design team, you Necromorph, you) that has followed the series closely since October 2008, then you'll find the developer's edition quite enticing. For only $160, you can slice-and-dice that Necromorph horde in style. Included in this sizeable edition are the following: an eight inch Black Marker statuette, a med pack water bottle looking to be around the same height, a tin case designed by the game's lead artists Ben Wanat and Dino Ignacio, an aluminum 'data-pad' or note book, Dr. Serrano's journal, an artbook, posters, and more. Yeah, this may seem steep for a few bits of swag. Yeah, I love Dead Space to no ends. Yeah, I've been known to buy up almost every single bloody collector's edition since Dead Space 2. But for this, I'll keep to my standard edition. To score this fine pack, head on over to DS3ce.com.
Like I said, only for the elite
12th) Aliens: Colonial Marines- I've watched Aliens multiple times. More than I care to admit. For my money, I don't know if I can ever get enough of the pulse rifle's sound. Colonial Marines takes us back to LV-426 sixteen years after the events of the second film. Returning to the good ol' necromorph horde will be great next month, but I'm more psyched to mow down xenomorphs with a smart gun. The Aliens vs Predator remake a couple years back was okay, but didn't do enough like AVP 2 way back in my PC gaming days. Now, this edition is full to the brim. For only a cool $100, you'll snag a statue of a Marine in a powerloader grappling a xenomorph. The statue itself is around 9.75" and comes packaged in a custom xeno hive case. Other physical goodies include a USCM patch, dossiers, a recruitment card, a graduation certificate, and schematic of the USS Sephora. Digital downloads cover the basic multiplayer bonuses like additional characters (Hicks, Hudson, Drake, and Apone), Ripley's flamethrower, more weapons, an exclusive in-game level, and the Firing Range. Sega's packed more into the edition, but if you can't wait like myself, head on over to Gamestop and check out the rest of the pack. 
Get some, Marines!!!!!!!!!!!
March:
12th) God of War: Ascension- This takes us back before the events of the first game, yet still after pre-dickhole Kratos murdered his family. Am I the only one who honestly wants to see an non-asshole Kratos for once? Perhaps before he went psycho-batshit-insane and listened to gods who were about equal bastards? Kratos' latest adventure down Douchebag Boulevard is the first to include online multiplayer and if it's anything similar to the beta, no gods can help our struggle. The only thing that will comfort my disappointment will be the collector's edition. At a low $80, we'll receive an eight inch statue of Kratos, a steelbook case, the soundtrack, and digital downloads for future content. Pre-order at Gamestop to gain access to King Leonidas from Zack Snyder's 300.
Disregard the release date. Games always launch on Tuesdays.
26th) Bioshock: Infinite- My fellow gamers, this is the definitive proof of your loyalty to the Bioshock series. Originally slated for 26 February, the Ultimate Songbird Edition will now adorn your nerd-cave in late March. Breathe, everything's fine. We'll make it. Until then, just imagine your bookshelf holding the 9.75" Songbird statue. Picture the Murder of Crows keychain dangling from your key ring as you drive down the street. Apart from those two goodies, you'll also get the Handyman figurine, a lithograph print, an artbook, and digital downloads for weapons/items in-game. Just be happy and give up the $150.
The Songbird
April:
16th) Injustice: Gods Among Us- Remember that Mortal Kombat vs DC Universe game? Yeah, neither do I. Netherrealm Studios and DC Entertainment are coming together for a legitimate DC fighting game. Marvel and Capcom did well with their respective games, so why not let DC make up for where they've f*cked up with the films minus The Dark Knight series? Beloved characters like Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, the Flash, Green Lantern, the Joker, Harley Quinn, Solomon Grundy, and dozens more join the roster for your nerdy entertainment. Two editions have been announced for quite some time, but they've just come to my (and now yours) attention. The $100 edition nets you a 13" statue of Batman and Wonder Woman going at it atop the Fortress of Solitude (and not in the way you're thinking), an issue of a new DC series, a steelbook case, and downloadable content including a copy of Justice League: Doom. Pre-order at Gamestop for access to the Superman: Red Son costume pack. What would have happened if Superman landed in Soviet Ukraine? In Soviet Russia...........Superman's a dick and Lex Luthor's a hero. Also...Batmankoff.
13" statue of Wonder Woman and Batman
There's another statue on the Interwebs, but GS shows this
The more expensive edition retailing at $150 ditches the statue above for a custom arcade cabinet akin to the one for the Mortal Kombat reboot. You decide which is worth your green. Wonder Woman dominating Batman or a wooden box with buttons. Remember.....Wonder Woman........Wonder Woman.........Wonder Woman.
Custom arcade cabinet
23rd) Dead Island: Riptide- What the f*ck, UK? You put a chick's mangled corpse into your collector's edition? Seriously, what the f*ck? If you want to see the UK's edition of Riptide, Google your hearts out, but I shant. For us wholesome Americans, we get a little more PG-13 in the form of a zombie Hula girl, a severed hand bottle opener, and a bungalow key all packed inside a neat little travel suitcase! For only $80! I still don't care! But you might! Pre-order yours today!
May:
7th) The Last of Us: This could be the only game releasing this year and I'd be perfectly fine. Naughty Dog, you clever devils. Take Nathan Drake, grow a beard on him, toss him into Nature gone all bitch mode, and have him protect a little girl. Yeah, I'm sold. As if the launch trailer wasn't enough, the creative bastards at Naughty Dog drummed up two editions for our consumer delight. The smaller $100 Survival edition includes a full-sized artbook, steelbook case, variant issue #1 of the prequel comic, and downloadable content. Upping the ante $60, you'll miss out on the artbook, but gain a 12" statue of Joel and Ellie in the Post-Pandemic edition. The UK receieved special editions of their own, but neither includes the bad-ass statue. Suck it, Tommies.
Survival Edition with artbook
Post Pandemic Edition with 12" statue
Alright, ladies and gentlemen, there you have it. There are dozens of other titles launching this year, but for those swag hounds out there, these will hit your eyes first. Go out, pre-order, and be merry! Stay tuned as often as I post which hasn't been frequent. Never fear, mes amis! The Late Duck is still your seven-hundredth stop for all your game/film news!
As always, my customary sign off with what DO you do with a BA in English? #43- Wonder what life would have been like had you majored in neurobiology and minored in psychology.
Alas, my mind only comprehended Shakespeare and Keats.
Jonesy signing off.
01 January 2013
And..........We're Back!
Welcome back, dear readers! Let's dive right into the new and shiny 2013! As you've been quite aware (if you were even aware in the first place) this blog has suffered from dormancy these past two months. While the explanation would set straight any questions, let's just stick with 1) finishing my undergraduate degree, 2) Christmas chaos, and 3) an unfortunate death in the family.
So, without further ado, welcome to The Late Duck 3.0! Why the number three? I have no idea. It's 2013. Makes more sense. What have I missed out on in my quest for knowledge? Well, quite a substantial amount, it seems.
1) Every single movie since Skyfall. Work + school = zero time for movies. And I mean zero. I haven't seen Wreck it Ralph, Les Miserables, Django Unchained, The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, and any other film you can fathom. Twilight part whatever doesn't count.
2) Although I missed out on 2012's last batch of cinematic goodness, I managed time for the final gaming heavy-hitters. Black Ops II and Halo 4 found their way into my free-time and this is what I have to say: Frank Woods is still a bad-ass, I had to restart multiple levels for the "perfect" ending, and zombies excels more than ever. Now, for Master Chief, 343 Studios.........what the f*ck happened, guys? Couldn't take a hint from Bungie to make a kick-ass game? My brother and I beat the damn game on Legendary in less than two days! The campaign was significantly shorter than 3, ODST, and Reach to the point where I finally caught on what was happening when the f*cking credits were rolling. Amazing cinematic cutscenes and dialogue, but I wanted more SPARTAN-IV action, better weaponry (Forerunner weapons=direct cut-and-paste from humans), more detail in the story (more information on the Flood, perhaps?), and an overall expansion on the new characters introduced. After watching up to part three of Forward Unto Dawn, I had a shred of knowledge as to who Lasky was, but nothing else. 343, at least tell us to read the damned expanded universe (i.e. comics, books, short films) before we dive head-first and expect to understand the Forerunner background. Both games were impressive, but easily replaceable by 2013's line-up.
3) Back in November, my initial review of Assassin's Creed III was generally positive. I'm here two months later to refute that claim. This game failed on every front I was hyped up on. Connor was a whiny bitch who complained every time he didn't get his way and I found myself relating more with Haytham. The stories (past and present) were laughable. I've always disliked the present-day telling of Desmond fighting the modern-day Templars. When the first game came out, I saw Altair and the Crusades. Nothing else. This entire series could've been done sans-present and still succeeded. ACIII's portrayal of the American Revolution and its respective figures was pathetic. I expected Benjamin Franklin to be ACIII's version of da Vinci. Instead, I found myself utilizing the basic tools rather than upgrading to something more substantial (Assassin tomahawk, for the most part). With ACII, Ezio, and da Vinci, I enjoyed the ability to garner more fantastic kills with more advanced weapons and tools. Granted, the rope dart was awesome, but everything else (the bow, pistols, and rifles) seemed out of place in such a fast-paced series. Ezio and Altair carved through droves of enemies with such fluid pace while Connor constantly stumbled around trying to pick up his f*cking tomahawk. ACIII's inclusion of naval warfare was impressive, but also plagued with bugs/glitches. Late into the game (around 1781), I remembered one naval mission that still needed completing.........back in 1776. The game's timeline couldn't catch up to save its life. And the economy system.........f*ck that noise. I preferred and became accustomed to ACII's renovation/collect revenue system. Instead, I went through Boston finding chests and marching platoons to kill/loot. This was the only way I found effective to upgrade the Aquila.
Don't even get me started on the end. What the hell, Ubisoft?
4) I brought myself up-to-speed with The Walking Dead game and series. Season Two really wasn't as bad as I thought. The beginning and end were amazing, but the middle was relentlessly boring. Season Three, on the other hand, dear sweet things of everything holy! They've taken zombie killing to another level. Sorry, Romero, you've been trumped. I can truly say at this point two things: the month of my birth will be incredible with the series' return and I'm back to a full TWD fan. Now, the same can be said of Telltale's survival video game.........and then some. Lee's journey from heading to prison to ensuring Clementine's safety was gut-wrenching, tear-jerking, jaw-clenching, and comical in some parts. If Telltale's tossing out another season, I'm on that faster than a jack rabbit on a hot Texan summer.
5) Bioshock: Infinite was delayed! Initially coming out late next month, we're now faced with a 26 March release. Oh, Ken Levine. Won't you give us your nice toys, please? Songbird edition pre-ordered. What up.
Alright, dear readers, I think you've had me long enough for Day 1 of this strange, new year. But, as a late Christmas present, here's one of those darling rules of what DO you do with a BA in English:
#333- Build a tower of all the books you bought during Half Price Book's 20% deal.
Jonesy signing off for the first time in 2013.
So, without further ado, welcome to The Late Duck 3.0! Why the number three? I have no idea. It's 2013. Makes more sense. What have I missed out on in my quest for knowledge? Well, quite a substantial amount, it seems.
1) Every single movie since Skyfall. Work + school = zero time for movies. And I mean zero. I haven't seen Wreck it Ralph, Les Miserables, Django Unchained, The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, and any other film you can fathom. Twilight part whatever doesn't count.
2) Although I missed out on 2012's last batch of cinematic goodness, I managed time for the final gaming heavy-hitters. Black Ops II and Halo 4 found their way into my free-time and this is what I have to say: Frank Woods is still a bad-ass, I had to restart multiple levels for the "perfect" ending, and zombies excels more than ever. Now, for Master Chief, 343 Studios.........what the f*ck happened, guys? Couldn't take a hint from Bungie to make a kick-ass game? My brother and I beat the damn game on Legendary in less than two days! The campaign was significantly shorter than 3, ODST, and Reach to the point where I finally caught on what was happening when the f*cking credits were rolling. Amazing cinematic cutscenes and dialogue, but I wanted more SPARTAN-IV action, better weaponry (Forerunner weapons=direct cut-and-paste from humans), more detail in the story (more information on the Flood, perhaps?), and an overall expansion on the new characters introduced. After watching up to part three of Forward Unto Dawn, I had a shred of knowledge as to who Lasky was, but nothing else. 343, at least tell us to read the damned expanded universe (i.e. comics, books, short films) before we dive head-first and expect to understand the Forerunner background. Both games were impressive, but easily replaceable by 2013's line-up.
3) Back in November, my initial review of Assassin's Creed III was generally positive. I'm here two months later to refute that claim. This game failed on every front I was hyped up on. Connor was a whiny bitch who complained every time he didn't get his way and I found myself relating more with Haytham. The stories (past and present) were laughable. I've always disliked the present-day telling of Desmond fighting the modern-day Templars. When the first game came out, I saw Altair and the Crusades. Nothing else. This entire series could've been done sans-present and still succeeded. ACIII's portrayal of the American Revolution and its respective figures was pathetic. I expected Benjamin Franklin to be ACIII's version of da Vinci. Instead, I found myself utilizing the basic tools rather than upgrading to something more substantial (Assassin tomahawk, for the most part). With ACII, Ezio, and da Vinci, I enjoyed the ability to garner more fantastic kills with more advanced weapons and tools. Granted, the rope dart was awesome, but everything else (the bow, pistols, and rifles) seemed out of place in such a fast-paced series. Ezio and Altair carved through droves of enemies with such fluid pace while Connor constantly stumbled around trying to pick up his f*cking tomahawk. ACIII's inclusion of naval warfare was impressive, but also plagued with bugs/glitches. Late into the game (around 1781), I remembered one naval mission that still needed completing.........back in 1776. The game's timeline couldn't catch up to save its life. And the economy system.........f*ck that noise. I preferred and became accustomed to ACII's renovation/collect revenue system. Instead, I went through Boston finding chests and marching platoons to kill/loot. This was the only way I found effective to upgrade the Aquila.
Don't even get me started on the end. What the hell, Ubisoft?
4) I brought myself up-to-speed with The Walking Dead game and series. Season Two really wasn't as bad as I thought. The beginning and end were amazing, but the middle was relentlessly boring. Season Three, on the other hand, dear sweet things of everything holy! They've taken zombie killing to another level. Sorry, Romero, you've been trumped. I can truly say at this point two things: the month of my birth will be incredible with the series' return and I'm back to a full TWD fan. Now, the same can be said of Telltale's survival video game.........and then some. Lee's journey from heading to prison to ensuring Clementine's safety was gut-wrenching, tear-jerking, jaw-clenching, and comical in some parts. If Telltale's tossing out another season, I'm on that faster than a jack rabbit on a hot Texan summer.
5) Bioshock: Infinite was delayed! Initially coming out late next month, we're now faced with a 26 March release. Oh, Ken Levine. Won't you give us your nice toys, please? Songbird edition pre-ordered. What up.
Alright, dear readers, I think you've had me long enough for Day 1 of this strange, new year. But, as a late Christmas present, here's one of those darling rules of what DO you do with a BA in English:
#333- Build a tower of all the books you bought during Half Price Book's 20% deal.
Jonesy signing off for the first time in 2013.
01 November 2012
A Clichéd Title
There's a familiar point in any undergraduate's college career when these two words take firm hold of any remaining attention span: f*ck it. Yes, I speak of the world-renowned term commonly referred to as "Senioritis".
Those brave enough to balance fifteen or more hour semesters with a full-time job, I proudly stand beside you and shame the several living this so-called 'college experience'. Aside from this rant, let's get on with the show.
Well, after a two month hiatus, sabbatical, R&R, or as I personally call it, my own personal Hell, I establish my long-awaited return to this social blogging scene. Not like anyone's reading the nonsensical babble unless I count my various altered personalities. Two are British, one's Irish, and the other German.
What happened these past couple months, you ask? Allow me to enlighten.
1) Borderlands 2, upon two months of ravenous gameplay, is astounding. From the various baubles to the latest Captain Scarlett DLC, Gearbox and 2K f*cking delivered on every promise. Attention video game developers! THIS IS HOW YOU DO A GODDAMN SEQUEL! Pay more attention to the motherf*cking story and less on a throw-away multiplayer. Treyarch, I'm pointing at you. Seriously. I can't even begin to remember a Call of Duty in which the multiplayer outlasted its successor. Same with Halo. EA and Battlefield managed to overcome this by actually ADDING to their multiplayer. Hello, DESTRUCTIBLE ENVIORNMENT, how are you today? Oh, you want me to DRIVE A TANK THROUGH THE ENEMY BUILDING?! Sure, why not and while I'm at it, I can call an ARTILLERY STRIKE TO LEVEL THE ADJACENT BUILDING! Did I see that in any Call of Duty? HA-HA-F*CKING-HA! I make myself laugh in all caps.
This would really work better in video format....
Oh, well.....onward!
2) Dishonored and Resident Evil 6: the two games that came out within a week of each other. Please, buy them now. Get your friends to help you with RE 6. For the love of all things holy and good in the world. GET SOMEONE TO HELP YOU!!! I'm pretty sure I nearly wet myself going solo.
3) I shell out for collector's editions. You've seen the nerd-swag available with past editions. Ubisoft didn't disappoint. Assassin's Creed III was totally worth dropping a cool $120 just like B-Lands II and it's $150 tag. While I'm just twenty percent into the game, I can already tell Ubisoft has done right with the fan-base. Without spoiling the game, vive la revolution!
4) February just became very expensive. Alien: Colonial Marines has the date for the twelfth and Bioshock: Infinite stole the twenty-third. Behold, my friends! The $150 Songbird edition! Statue, keychain, figurine, art book, poster, coins, lithograph, oh, my circuits are over-loading! All packaged within era-appropriate boxing! BUY! BUY! BUY!!!!
5) Don't judge me, but no, I've yet to see any new releases since the end of summer.
6) The scores to all the above games:
Borderlands 2- get off your f*cking ass and buy this
Dishonored- you must be batshit crazy if you're not thinking about buying this game
Resident Evil Six- it's great in the feel of survival horror, but in no way is this a rush-to-buy. I waited a week which says quite a bit.
Assassin's Creed III- who wouldn't enjoy killing Redcoats in assassin-y styled fashions? Buy it now. You can make amends with your bank account later.
7) Halo 4 and Black Ops II launch next week. Cools, but don't feel compelled on either. Feel free to go nuts. Halo 4 scored a 9.8 from IGN, so it's probably legit. COD goes near-futuristic gaming? Meh, I'll stick to my guns in 2142. Better gameplay.
Who wants another rule for tonight? I do.
#412- When writing poetry, write for yourself. Professors, unless they're like Robin Williams in Dead Poet's Society, can suck it up and accept the fact not everyone's as pleasantly depressing as f*cking Sylvia Plath. No wonder the bitch killed herself. Props to Ted Hughes.
Oh, one last thing.
Those brave enough to balance fifteen or more hour semesters with a full-time job, I proudly stand beside you and shame the several living this so-called 'college experience'. Aside from this rant, let's get on with the show.
Well, after a two month hiatus, sabbatical, R&R, or as I personally call it, my own personal Hell, I establish my long-awaited return to this social blogging scene. Not like anyone's reading the nonsensical babble unless I count my various altered personalities. Two are British, one's Irish, and the other German.
What happened these past couple months, you ask? Allow me to enlighten.
1) Borderlands 2, upon two months of ravenous gameplay, is astounding. From the various baubles to the latest Captain Scarlett DLC, Gearbox and 2K f*cking delivered on every promise. Attention video game developers! THIS IS HOW YOU DO A GODDAMN SEQUEL! Pay more attention to the motherf*cking story and less on a throw-away multiplayer. Treyarch, I'm pointing at you. Seriously. I can't even begin to remember a Call of Duty in which the multiplayer outlasted its successor. Same with Halo. EA and Battlefield managed to overcome this by actually ADDING to their multiplayer. Hello, DESTRUCTIBLE ENVIORNMENT, how are you today? Oh, you want me to DRIVE A TANK THROUGH THE ENEMY BUILDING?! Sure, why not and while I'm at it, I can call an ARTILLERY STRIKE TO LEVEL THE ADJACENT BUILDING! Did I see that in any Call of Duty? HA-HA-F*CKING-HA! I make myself laugh in all caps.
This would really work better in video format....
Oh, well.....onward!
2) Dishonored and Resident Evil 6: the two games that came out within a week of each other. Please, buy them now. Get your friends to help you with RE 6. For the love of all things holy and good in the world. GET SOMEONE TO HELP YOU!!! I'm pretty sure I nearly wet myself going solo.
3) I shell out for collector's editions. You've seen the nerd-swag available with past editions. Ubisoft didn't disappoint. Assassin's Creed III was totally worth dropping a cool $120 just like B-Lands II and it's $150 tag. While I'm just twenty percent into the game, I can already tell Ubisoft has done right with the fan-base. Without spoiling the game, vive la revolution!
4) February just became very expensive. Alien: Colonial Marines has the date for the twelfth and Bioshock: Infinite stole the twenty-third. Behold, my friends! The $150 Songbird edition! Statue, keychain, figurine, art book, poster, coins, lithograph, oh, my circuits are over-loading! All packaged within era-appropriate boxing! BUY! BUY! BUY!!!! 5) Don't judge me, but no, I've yet to see any new releases since the end of summer.
6) The scores to all the above games:
Borderlands 2- get off your f*cking ass and buy this
Dishonored- you must be batshit crazy if you're not thinking about buying this game
Resident Evil Six- it's great in the feel of survival horror, but in no way is this a rush-to-buy. I waited a week which says quite a bit.
Assassin's Creed III- who wouldn't enjoy killing Redcoats in assassin-y styled fashions? Buy it now. You can make amends with your bank account later.
7) Halo 4 and Black Ops II launch next week. Cools, but don't feel compelled on either. Feel free to go nuts. Halo 4 scored a 9.8 from IGN, so it's probably legit. COD goes near-futuristic gaming? Meh, I'll stick to my guns in 2142. Better gameplay.
Who wants another rule for tonight? I do.
#412- When writing poetry, write for yourself. Professors, unless they're like Robin Williams in Dead Poet's Society, can suck it up and accept the fact not everyone's as pleasantly depressing as f*cking Sylvia Plath. No wonder the bitch killed herself. Props to Ted Hughes.
Oh, one last thing.
Yeah, that's Max Brooks. Not only did I meet him, but also the Mythbusters. Now I know how to properly dispose of zombies with heavy explosives! See, science CAN be fun!
Alright, world, Jonesy's signing off.
30 August 2012
In Full Swing
It's that glorious time of year again. My last time going through the rigors of college. While the semester may gain the majority of my already short attention span, this does not mean further neglect to those out there reading whatever I ramble. Classes, for the most part, are pretty heavy this round and ich muss mein Deutsch studieren, but there might just be time for Borderlands 2, Resident Evil Six, Dishonored, and especially Assassin's Creed III with Dredd hitting theatres in the mix of things.
For now, though, bare with the delayed posts, the assumed forgetfulness, and supposed disregard to my blogging duties. Upon successful completion of my BA, this blog will rocket higher than a V2.
As each game releases, I'll have my first thoughts posted, then an in-progress review, followed by a full-circle evaluation. Pictures of the collector's edition swag might find their way into the mix.
Random note: Pick up Deadpool Kills the Marvel Universe and the new Gambit series. Also, Before the Watchmen recently included Rorschach to the issues. From my knowledge, he's up to just one as of now.
Jonesy signing off with a customary rule- #51: Cherish each semester that you don't face down thirty term papers. Enjoy those times.
For now, though, bare with the delayed posts, the assumed forgetfulness, and supposed disregard to my blogging duties. Upon successful completion of my BA, this blog will rocket higher than a V2.
As each game releases, I'll have my first thoughts posted, then an in-progress review, followed by a full-circle evaluation. Pictures of the collector's edition swag might find their way into the mix.
Random note: Pick up Deadpool Kills the Marvel Universe and the new Gambit series. Also, Before the Watchmen recently included Rorschach to the issues. From my knowledge, he's up to just one as of now.
Jonesy signing off with a customary rule- #51: Cherish each semester that you don't face down thirty term papers. Enjoy those times.
20 August 2012
The Unattended Blog
So........welcome back after these long nine days. Much has happened. Video games played. Books read. Comics bought. Movies........not viewed. Sure, The Expendables 2 overcame its clunky and boring predecessor, but it's still that action-packed juggernaut film every summer needs to close out the season. Stallone, I'm sorry, but Marvel's The Avengers still kicks your ass nine ways to Sunday. Take on the Hulk after he beat down Loki and then, yes, I'll give props. Or, something we'll never see, do a movie that doesn't involve A) explosions, B) guns, and C) extreme violence. Schwarzeneggar's done it (Jingle All The Way), Statham's done it (The Italian Job). Just a change of pace, man. I get it. You're John Rambo. He blows shit up. You're Rocky. He beats people up. Try to escape the type-cast, bro. Actors have done it before.
Moving on, then. PSN Plus owners were able to download Telltale's The Walking Dead adventure game for free this month as well as Outland (very interesting side-scroller) and Bloodrayne: Betrayal which has slightly complicated gameplay. As episodes one and two are the only ones out, your guess is good assuming those are the ones up for free. Please, for the good of humanity and yourself, download both. If you don't have PSN Plus, GET IT! If you do, good on you, mate. Have fun in the rightful adaptation of Robert Kirkman's brainchild.
For those who are learned with Kirkman's original story, Telltale takes players along a prequel story following a character by the name of Lee trying to survive the outbreak in Atlanta. Just like the graphic novels, the setting changes constantly and those familiar with the novels will recognize certain areas as well as characters from the books.
This series is incredible. From the cell-shaded graphics to the voice acting, I felt completely immersed in the story. As this game revolves around choices and morality, you'll feel compelled to revisit the game multiple times for different outcomes. My tally sits at two right now just to have two separate stories for my own intrigue.
Now, for those unaware, Terminal Reality is currently developing a video game adaptation of the AMC series using Daryl as the primary. Without much to go on, I can't say much about the idea, but information coming from Gamescom seems to paint the game in a decent frame, but with lingering doubts. This is a game coming from a show that took several liberties with the source material. As far as I'm concerned, I have my game and I'm staying there. I wanted a series that came straight from the novels and I'll be damned if that's not what Telltale delivered.
While I understand where AMC and Terminal Reality are going, providing fans of the TV series with a game, I'm sitting it out just as I am with the show. Perhaps later down the road I'll finally catch up with Season two, but for now, I'm content.
Short post for today, but stay tuned in the coming weeks for more bits on Borderlands 2, Dishonored, and Assassin's Creed III.
Until then, this is Jonesy signing off with my customary leave: #17- write a survival guide to the zombie apocalypse in whatever fashion. Get creative. Have fun.
Moving on, then. PSN Plus owners were able to download Telltale's The Walking Dead adventure game for free this month as well as Outland (very interesting side-scroller) and Bloodrayne: Betrayal which has slightly complicated gameplay. As episodes one and two are the only ones out, your guess is good assuming those are the ones up for free. Please, for the good of humanity and yourself, download both. If you don't have PSN Plus, GET IT! If you do, good on you, mate. Have fun in the rightful adaptation of Robert Kirkman's brainchild.
For those who are learned with Kirkman's original story, Telltale takes players along a prequel story following a character by the name of Lee trying to survive the outbreak in Atlanta. Just like the graphic novels, the setting changes constantly and those familiar with the novels will recognize certain areas as well as characters from the books.
This series is incredible. From the cell-shaded graphics to the voice acting, I felt completely immersed in the story. As this game revolves around choices and morality, you'll feel compelled to revisit the game multiple times for different outcomes. My tally sits at two right now just to have two separate stories for my own intrigue.
Now, for those unaware, Terminal Reality is currently developing a video game adaptation of the AMC series using Daryl as the primary. Without much to go on, I can't say much about the idea, but information coming from Gamescom seems to paint the game in a decent frame, but with lingering doubts. This is a game coming from a show that took several liberties with the source material. As far as I'm concerned, I have my game and I'm staying there. I wanted a series that came straight from the novels and I'll be damned if that's not what Telltale delivered.
While I understand where AMC and Terminal Reality are going, providing fans of the TV series with a game, I'm sitting it out just as I am with the show. Perhaps later down the road I'll finally catch up with Season two, but for now, I'm content.
Short post for today, but stay tuned in the coming weeks for more bits on Borderlands 2, Dishonored, and Assassin's Creed III.
Until then, this is Jonesy signing off with my customary leave: #17- write a survival guide to the zombie apocalypse in whatever fashion. Get creative. Have fun.
11 August 2012
The Beer's Prayer
Now, I love beer. I don't, however, love being abso-bloody-lutely drunk outside my blooming mind. Never as a kid did I believe myself to appreciate the time and effort brewing beer takes. Upon my first proper pint last year on my twenty-first, I discovered a new-found love and appreciation for this alcoholic beverage loved by many and frowned upon by several others who just don't drink enough to get over their problems.
As thanks for the memories, I propose a prayer to Beer be established:
The Prayer to Beer as found in Inebriation, Chapter Seven; Verse Four:
As thanks for the memories, I propose a prayer to Beer be established:
The Prayer to Beer as found in Inebriation, Chapter Seven; Verse Four:
Our Father who art inebriated
Sobered be thy name.
Thy pitcher full,
And pint glass filled,
In bars as it is at home.
Give us this night our daily shot,
And bless us our kegs,
As we bless those who tap amongst us.
And lead us not unto Keystone,
But deliver us to Shiner.
For the keg stand, dropshot, and beer pong are yours,
Now and forever.
Amen.
And I just wrote that. By me, for the masses to be recited at the beginning of each social event involving our precious......whatever type beer, porter, ale, stout to be enjoyed.
Enough to be said on my devotion to beer. Now, onward to relevant information!
Friday proved me wrong with yet another round of cinematic entertainment. Will Ferrell and Zac Galifianakis fight the good fight in The Candidate which, surprisingly, hit a Fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones star as an interesting duo in Hope Springs also coming in on the Fresh rating. And, finally, Jeremy Renner picks up where Matt Damon left off in the ass-kicking department with The Bourne Legacy continuing a new trilogy where The Bourne Supremacy ended.
Firstly, no, I haven't seen any of the above mentioned films. I will as time permits. I have, however, seen the trailer for the Red Dawn remake starring Thor himself, Chris Hemsworth and Josh Peck as the Eckert brothers. If you hated the original, no offense, but f*ck you. Every teenager back in the Cold war era probably imagined sniping off some Russkies. How the hell should I know, right? I'm just a kid who was born right when the Soviet Union collapsed. Well, when you start imagining North Korea taking over Asia and Europe, then invading the U.S. and wiping out our entire infrastructure, you tend to start developing some common grounds with your Cold War counterparts.
Last month, I finally got around to playing Homefront, that poorly developed game by Kaos Studios. In a future where the communist North Koreans become the premier superpower in the entire f*cking world, the U.S. falls under the might of the wimpy offspring of an already satirized Kim Jong-Il (Kim Jong-Un for those not following). What I'm wondering is how the f*ck can a government not fall over laughing over the fact that a five foot Korean kid managed to overthrow multiple governments. An assassin can easily step on the Short Round wannabe and bingo. Crisis averted. We're saved thanks to my size fourteen combat boot.
Overall, Thanksgiving just got better. WOLVERINES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, and guess what everybody?! BORDERLANDS 2 IS ALMOST HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!! OOOOOOOMMMMMMGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!
.......sorry about that. But I will have the big, bad-ass Ultimate Loot Chest edition that I posted a while back. We'll crack that sucker open when 18 September rolls around.
I'm tired right now, so keep eyes and ears open for the latest news circling the interwebs. Check out Bethesda's Dishonored hitting shelves 8 October. I will have that as well as Assassin's Creed III (collector's, of course) on 30 October followed by Resident Evil Six on 6 November. Gear up for one of the greatest f*cking gaming seasons ever.
Until then, remember rule #67- Always bring a book with you to work even if you don't think you'll have time to read.
Jonesy signing off.
Friday proved me wrong with yet another round of cinematic entertainment. Will Ferrell and Zac Galifianakis fight the good fight in The Candidate which, surprisingly, hit a Fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones star as an interesting duo in Hope Springs also coming in on the Fresh rating. And, finally, Jeremy Renner picks up where Matt Damon left off in the ass-kicking department with The Bourne Legacy continuing a new trilogy where The Bourne Supremacy ended.
Firstly, no, I haven't seen any of the above mentioned films. I will as time permits. I have, however, seen the trailer for the Red Dawn remake starring Thor himself, Chris Hemsworth and Josh Peck as the Eckert brothers. If you hated the original, no offense, but f*ck you. Every teenager back in the Cold war era probably imagined sniping off some Russkies. How the hell should I know, right? I'm just a kid who was born right when the Soviet Union collapsed. Well, when you start imagining North Korea taking over Asia and Europe, then invading the U.S. and wiping out our entire infrastructure, you tend to start developing some common grounds with your Cold War counterparts.
Last month, I finally got around to playing Homefront, that poorly developed game by Kaos Studios. In a future where the communist North Koreans become the premier superpower in the entire f*cking world, the U.S. falls under the might of the wimpy offspring of an already satirized Kim Jong-Il (Kim Jong-Un for those not following). What I'm wondering is how the f*ck can a government not fall over laughing over the fact that a five foot Korean kid managed to overthrow multiple governments. An assassin can easily step on the Short Round wannabe and bingo. Crisis averted. We're saved thanks to my size fourteen combat boot.
Overall, Thanksgiving just got better. WOLVERINES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, and guess what everybody?! BORDERLANDS 2 IS ALMOST HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!! OOOOOOOMMMMMMGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!
.......sorry about that. But I will have the big, bad-ass Ultimate Loot Chest edition that I posted a while back. We'll crack that sucker open when 18 September rolls around.
I'm tired right now, so keep eyes and ears open for the latest news circling the interwebs. Check out Bethesda's Dishonored hitting shelves 8 October. I will have that as well as Assassin's Creed III (collector's, of course) on 30 October followed by Resident Evil Six on 6 November. Gear up for one of the greatest f*cking gaming seasons ever.
Until then, remember rule #67- Always bring a book with you to work even if you don't think you'll have time to read.
Jonesy signing off.
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