Would You Kindly?

I've promised unboxing videos for a while now. Three facts arose recently: 1) You really need a crew to shoot any type of film even as small as an unboxing for a collector's edition. Try doing that shit Han-style. 

Solo. 

2) I really need a f*cking job. Not much to explain there other than I'm done with retail. 

3) I really should stop bitching about my lack of a career and get on with the damn review of Bioshock: Infinite. 

This game pulled a fast one on me. Not sure about the general population, but wow. Ken Levine and the rest of 2K/Irrational Games put their all into this AAA title. Apart from Tomb Raider earlier in the month, video game narratives have been lacking severely. When stacked up to these titles, you might as well take franchises like Battlefield and Call of Duty out back and shoot them Old Yeller style. I would cry in this instance, but that'd be like shedding a tear for Hitler. Narratives in today's video game just don't make the cut. The lingering shadow of multiplayer or cooperative play (decent in some cases i.e. Portal 2) hangs over most games like the pollution in Los Angeles. You know who you are publishers and developers (hint hint: Activision, EA). For the last goddamn time, no, we don't want another Medal of Honor game with a short-ass campaign and equally shoddy multiplayer. Battlefield, eh, they're starting to push it same with Call of Duty. EA, Activision, Treyarch, and even Infinity Ward (even though it pains me to list them) can't realize the fact that multiplayer is short-lived. Honestly, who's still thoroughly enjoying blasting away the same pixelized representations of terrorists and/or zombies unless it's with one's friends? Bungie fortunately realized this fate of video games and ended their hold on the Halo franchise. Gee, thanks 343, for giving us the worst Halo game since Halo Wars. Cortana deserved better, you bastards!!!!!!!!!

Alright, rant over. Let's jump into what I promised a couple days ago. Bioshock: Infinite released back on Tuesday and I've spaced out my gaming time to last at least a few days. I wouldn't say I was disappointed with the overall length seeing as how most of the game was blazed through like a California wildfire. Woohoo, marathon gaming sessions! It's a miracle what a bottle of scotch and Dr. Pepper can do to make marathons bearable again. Keep in mind, the last marathon I did was Mass Effect 2 clocking in at two nine hour straight marathons. No wonder I beat that game so damn fast. 

The Ultimate Songbird Edition, for the money, was well worth the investment. The hard cover limited edition strategy guide goes the same. All-in-all, I dropped about $200 for this game and haven't look back one damn bit. Good ol' Songbird himself was a wee shorter than I imagined, but the quality and weight are exactly what I expected. The Murder of Crows keychain was definitely a great touch; however, I wish they did a blind box with the vigor. Getting a Shock Jockey keychain would've been even better, but who cares. Haven't downloaded the soundtrack yet. After playing through and beating the game, I'm looking forward to having it added to my library. 

Infinite in and of itself was a polished and well-written game. I had zero doubts walking into the first few minutes and the same was said walking out of the last few minutes. Taking control of Booker felt similar to the silent-silent from Bioshock, but Delta from Bioshock 2 took the gameplay to a heavier level. Literally, the guy had a drill for Christ's sake. Plowing that into some poor bastard's head was about the same satisfaction I found using the Skyhook to decapitate some dumbass Vox that stepped in my way. I really can't bring myself to divulge much into the story for fear of revealing the slightest spoiler. This much can be said: the ending is one of the greatest, most surprising "WHAT THE F*CK?!?!" moments in modern gaming history. Yes, a certain something from Bioshock's past makes an appearance and it's bigger than a Big Daddy. 

The Vigors work identical to Plasmids with a nice touch in the form of trapping enemies in the various effects. Hold L2 down on the PS3 and unfortunate foes can fall into a lightning trap, crow trap, possession trap, et cetera, et cetera. Tonics are replaced with Gear which are essentially articles of clothing such as hats, pants, shirts, and the like. You're only allotted one of each at a given time, so mix-and-match to your heart's content. I was quite content with the first few I received and rarely switched out my combat bonuses. As Vigors go, Shock Jockey was my preferred method of dispatching my Columbian adversaries. Upgrade the effect to the chain combo, then blast your enemy's head clean off with a shotgun or machine gun. Now, while I mainly used the pistol, shotgun, machine gun, and carbine, the repeater was a fantastic weapon to come across. I miss the ability to upgrade each individual weapon, but the more diverse selection of firepower more than made up for that absence. Undertow was a rather interesting way of grabbing foes from afar, then blasting them over the side to the unknown below. I rarely used Bucking Bronco or Charge. Possession was useful when I fell short a few Silver Eagles as you can take control of vending machines for a financial bonus. Devil's Kiss came down to nothing but potshots, but when paired with Murder of Crows, your flock of murderous fowl became flaming wings of death. Elizabeth's ability to open "Tears" or rifts in the time-space continuum came in handy on numerous occasions. No cover in a firefight? Have her bring in a wall from Paris or the adjacent building. Need a helping hand? Have her bring in a Mosquito sentry or Rocket Automaton. Need weapons, first aid, or salts? She's got you covered, mes amis. 

This brings me to my next wonderful point: Elizabeth doesn't need your protection! She's a fully functional AI that 1) never gets in your goddamn way, 2) picks locks in an instant, and 3) finds weapons, ammunition, money, health packs, and salts whenever you're low. This is the pinnacle of artificial intelligence. Non-playable characters that help rather than hinder your experience. Oh, not to mention, she revives you whenever your dumbass self bites the dust. She comes at a cost, though, taking a bit of Eagles and reviving half the enemy's health. Just jump back in, shock the piss out of the Handyman, and blow that f*cker's heart out with the China Broom. Problem solved every time. 

Moving on to performance, consoles take a hit on graphics while PC users have the full array of graphical capabilities. Take this with a grain of salt as it's been seven years since the first Bioshock hit the 360 (back when Microsoft had exclusives). Irrational got a little over-zealous with character models, background environments, and animation. I'm not complaining in the slightest, but take consoles that are out-modes compared to today's PC rigs and you've got a no-brainer. PC also has the benefit of multiple hot-keys for Vigors and weapons. In essence, if you're PC, get it for your rig. If not, you will still enjoy the game as much as I did regardless of your system. 

I want you to fill in the rest of the gaps with your own experience in Columbia. Infinite is truly worth your time and money. From the voice acting provided by Troy Baker and Courtnee Draper (Booker DeWitt and Elizabeth respectively) to the streets and sights of Columbia itself to the graphic take-downs with the Skyhook to the empowered feeling of the Vigors, Bioshock: Infinite truly re-invents the franchise while still remaining loyal to the source material. I proudly bestow upon Bioshock: Infinite the Crashed Moose award and the Jonesy Couch Rating of "Get the f*ck off your ass and buy this damn game!". Congratulations, 2K and Irrational. You've done the gamer community well.....again. 

Bioshock: Infinite- the third recipient of the Crashed Moose! 

I leave you now with the hopes that AMC will knock one out of the park with The Walking Dead's Season 3 finale. While a surprisingly beloved character is no longer with us, his legacy shall forever live on. Oh, please, please, please! Cut Rick's hand off! Let Tyreese live to see Season 4! And let Michonne wreck the Governor the f*ck up! 

One last bit. The Wolverine, due in theatres this July, finally dished out two trailers. I'll give you the US trailer. Enjoy as billions of others already have! 

To The Skies!

Let me start this off with a few final thoughts on Gears of War: Judgment. It's been a week since the game launched, I've beaten it, and have started on the Aftermath portion. This is basically an addition on Gears of War 3 featuring Baird and Cole on their way back to Halvo Bay to salvage the ship they took to Azura. However, to unlock this bit, you have to earn forty stars throughout the campaign by completing the Declassify challenges. Some are a pain in the ass (mostly the timed challenges), but can be done by means of The Law of Averages: Do something enough times and you're bound to get it right. In my case, an even thirty times with plenty of shouted obscenities and Bacardi Dr. Peppers. 

I will agree with the general consensus that the end of Judgment felt a little cheap. In all honesty, I expected a heavier ending than what was, essentially, a "f*ck you, Baird" and walk away. Don't get me wrong, I still thoroughly enjoyed playing the game and have no regrets paying full retail price. Then again, some individuals would call me a sucker, perhaps I am, but my current running knowledge revolves around video games, movies, romantic-era music, and well-written literature. Guess which one I'm trying to make a bloody career of. 

Yes, I ended a sentence which a preposition. What a dandy of an idea. 

In other non-grammar news, Bioshock: Infinite has technically hit shelves if you're the type of sleep-deprived, mania-riddled video game enthusiast such as myself. I picked up my Ultimate Songbird Edition and (as an added treat to myself and you dear readers) the limited edition strategy guide! I bought the season pass as well seeing as it packed in a few more downloadable goodies (thankfully none for multiplayer because it doesn't have it!). That's right, my dear readers, Infinite takes us back to the good old days of strictly single-player games because that's what really works. No wonder the game last a good twelve to fifteen hours. With that said, I'll have the unveiling coming later on in the afternoon once I depart my employ. 

Expect my initial thoughts on the game sometime later in the week and a full review by the end of the weekend. I won't get through the entire game, but definitely enough for a thorough opinion. 

Keep it shiny only on The Late Duck. 

The Cole Train

And the nineteenth finally hits. Yes, that's right. Gears of War: Judgment has released in stores today. I picked up the game earlier in the afternoon and pretty much blazed through three-fourths of the game on co-op. Playing on Hardcore really isn't as bad as you'd think, but the Declassify additions to each level provide interesting challenges such as dust/smoke obscuring  visability, using specific weapons (Longshots and Boltoks, Lancers and shields), reducing ammunition availability, or taking away the health regeneration. These inclusions are entirely optional, but reveal just a wee bit more information behind Kilo Squad's testimony. Completing them also rewards additional stars to help unlock the Aftermath epilogue (must accumulate forty stars). 

I've done all of the above with the exception of beating the game which I should be able to do tomorrow. However, enough of the story/gameplay has crossed my eyes to give a fairly decent opinion of the game. As a fan of the series for quite a few years now, this much I can say: buy the game only if you're a huge fan of Gears of War. If you want to know how Baird and Cole got to where they were at the start of the series, this is your game. Even Marcus makes a cameo. Multiplayer's never been a huge focus of mine, but I can see where it comes into play for others. Plus, the first Gears comes packaged with the game as a digital download. Two games for one? Sure, I'm down. 

I've only found minor issues with the game (texture popping, framerate lag), but all is easily solved by restarting the 360. Epic got a bit over-ambitious with the number of enemies that can appear on screen at once, so it's understandable why the game would lag from time to time. Honestly, I'm enjoying the game and really starting to relate more with Baird than previously. 

That's all I have to say about that. 

At the current moment, a second tab on my browser currently has the Fink Manufacturing mini-game for Bioshock: Infinite. Those who pre-ordered the game receive access to this series of industry-oriented games to unlock the story between The Founders and the Vox Populi as well as several in-game bonuses. The puzzles do get increasingly challenging, but hey, I just beat Tomb Raider, the queen of puzzle games. More details will arise as I get further into the unlockables. Be sure to drop back in a week from today for my full review and unboxing (hopefully) of the Ultimate Songbird Edition. 

In other news, The Hobbit journeyed into stores today. If you haven't already seen the movie, go ahead and pick it up at your local retailer. I might venture upon it someday, but for now, my money's going toward Les Miserables next week. And then shortly after, DJANGO UNCHAINED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

You can tell how excited I am, right? I'm so damn close to owning all of Tarantino's films. 

I'm off to more industrial revolution. Keep it real only on The Late Duck.

Run, Roadie, Run!

I've been reading up on Gears of War: Judgment since its first article in Game Informer last year. I remember how psyched I was for another Gears coming out. Two covers were published for the July issue with Baird and Cole Train appearing on either cover. For those of you that have seen Terrible Terry Tate: Office Linebacker, you'll know how elated I was to discover Cole  Train on the front of my issue. Cole's been my favorite character from the start of the series. I always played as Dom (he was my bro, don't get me wrong), but Cole Train's rant in the second game confirmed his bad-ass label. 

Lester Speight, please, please, please don't lose that attitude! The world needs more Cole Train. 

If the above was any indication, yes, Gears of War: Judgment hits shelves tomorrow. I'm down for another gore-fest through Locust-infested streets. The story follows Baird fresh on his commission as a Lieutenant with Cole Train and the rest of Kilo Squad on why they disobeyed direct orders. Knowing Baird's cynical, quick-witted nature, it should have something to do with his lovable attitude towards authority figures. We all saw back in the original series how well him and Marcus got along when Baird was passed over for promotion to Delta Squad leader in favor of Fenix. Personally, I really didn't want to get too deep into knowing the story before its out specifically for the express reason that it usually ruins a game. Once I get somewhat through the game tomorrow, I'll have a better overall judgment. Heh....

See what I did there? 

Judgment? And the name of the game is...ah, forget it. Let's move on.

I finished up Tomb Raider a while back. This much I can say on a completed level: Lara Croft can stay as long as she f*cking wants. The half-way point honestly feels like the end and when you find out, "Oh, shit, this game's far from over", it keeps getting better. Crystal Dynamics truly did leave the ending open for a sequel which I better see in the next couple years. Vary up the baddies next time would be my only concern and, of course, prevent THIS shit from happening again:

While the glitch itself was easily solved with another glitch, we could've gone without just the same. So, apart from that minute mishap, the game was solid and very rarely disappointed. From the upgrade system, to raiding tombs, discovering artifacts revealing background story information, character interactions, gameplay mechanics, and the finale, I enjoyed the week I spent beating the game. Better than wrapping up a game the same f*cking day I bought it (Colonial Marines). 

Bioshock: Infinite is a mere week away! For those of you unlucky enough to miss the pre-order window, have no fear, my sharp sense of gaming consumerism allowed me the opportunity to pay off the Ultimate Songbird Edition. If you haven't seen it before, check out The Collector's Edition post for the details. $150 has never looked so damn fine. I'll have all the details and my Day One impressions on 26 March. 

Find your way back here next Tuesday for a trip to a new city in the clouds. 

The Tomb Raider

Continuing from yesterday's bit over Tomb Raider, I've played enough of the game to have a definitive opinion: this is Lara Croft as we've never seen her before. I honestly hope Crystal Dynamics and Square Enix continue on this rebooted franchise. And with the announcement of the Playstation 4, the gaming community at large will be in for a treat with Lara on next-gen graphics. 

So, with that introduction, let's dive into the review. I'll avoid as many spoilers as possible while still fleshing out the game. Lara's graduated from university at age twenty-one, so this is the youngest we've seen her in the series. Keep in mind that this isn't the Lara from the 90s. She's young, inexperienced, and scared. Relying on her keen sense of survival, she quickly gets her bearings in order to survive. We jump into an Assassin's Creed III style of hunting for food. While it's not as in-depth as Connor tracking and taking down his prey, the bow-and-arrow mechanics work well enough especially with the later upgrades and modifications. 

Skill points are earned through actions completed in-game. Hunting, scoring headshots, picking up collectibles, etc. The usual fair for action-adventure games. Use the skill points to better Lara's abilities. Salvage plays like Dead Space 3 with weapon upgrades. While just a small notice, you can actually see each mod on the weapons which is pretty neat (like in Bioshock, if you will). With the bow, pistol, shotgun, and submachine gun/assault rifle to choose from, you can either save up salvage for that one particular upgrade or dump everything into one weapon. 

Graphics are fantastic. Weather dynamics take you from stormy seas, sunny tropical skies, windy tombs, to snow-capped mountains. Each scene is as stunning as the last. Climbing to the top of the peak only to look down is both frightening and aesthetically astounding. Crystal Dynamics put their all into level design. Looking at a burning village from afar right after coming from an intense firefight puts the scope into perspective. For the most part, the game-play in non-linear allowing you to explore Yamatai at your pleasure. Just watch out for the wild-life, traps, sudden drops, raging rapids with the spike-o-death, etc. 

We get to watch Lara develop from the innocent young adult at the very beginning to the tough-as-nails raider from earlier games. The phrase "first kill is always the hardest" rings true to the point. The hundred plus kills after are a walk in the park, though. While this may seem a tad bit unrealistic (not having a shred of remorse after tearing through droves of mercs), how would you react after knowing you saved your own life and possibly your friends as well? 

I wouldn't cry after every bad guy I kill. Survival of the fittest, right? Might just go a little like this: 

Except with a bit more bad guys dying. I've really used Seth MacFarlane's humor to make my points lately, haven't I? Why would anyone cry over the opportunity to act like a bad-ass? Hey, there, kiddo! How'd you like a chance to be like Indiana Jones or Nathan Drake? 

Oh, really? Can I? Sure, why not! Put a gun in my hand and hundreds of Nazis/evil mercenaries/weird magical shit in front of me and stand back! 

Getting back to the review, I feel comfortable awarding Tomb Raider the Crashed Moose Award. 

Because blowing shit up makes you feel like this

Tomb Raider earns the "get the f*ck off the couch and buy this f*cking game now" rating. Get the collector's edition if you can. The Play Arts Kai figurine of Lara is pretty schweet. 

Bioshock: Infinite will be the next collector's edition I'll be reviewing. God of War: Ascension's demo didn't really show anything promising except new enemies and story. The statue of Kratos looks cool, but there's no way in f*ck I'm pulling another Colonial Marines. Spend the $80 if you feel good. Don't complain about the same old gameplay they've used since the first. 

Find yourself back here in a few weeks for America in the skies. Bioshock: Infinite hits stores Tuesday, 26 March. 

Get some, raiders! 

The Days Off

While it took long enough to get here via UPS, I finally have my collector's edition for Tomb Raider and, so far, I can say this much: hell yes. I've made an unboxing video, yet my data transfer cable for my camera has gone MIA. Expect the vid to air with tomorrow or Thursday's post in which I will be detailing my review of Tomb Raider thus far into the game. 

The collector's edition was everything promised. The Play Arts Kai figurine of Lara Croft is incredible. No complaints. The forty points of articulation, the detail of Lara, her various weapons. In-cre-di-ble. The three iron-on patches should make a cool addition to my SPARTAN patch and USCM patches. The poster and lithograph fit well into my wall of gaming art. All-in-all I have zero complaints on throwing down $100 for this edition. 

Tomb Raider as a game, on the other side, is magnificent. Take this as just a raw review of my first hour into the game. Crystal Dynamics put their all into this reboot and it paid off from the highly detailed graphics, lighting, character movement, voice acting, and in-game physics. I just want to cover the bases right now, but my fully detailed review will flesh out more of these praises. 

Wreck-It Ralph, on the home entertainment side, does just as well on the LED as it did on the silver screen. If you're heavy into having your movies on-the-go, I'd recommend picking up the Ultimate Collector's Edition which include the 3D Blu Ray, regular Blu Ray, DVD, and digital copy for your smart phone and/or tablet. You'll drop around $35, but it makes for a more convenient viewing experience outside of the living room. I'll hit up the special features soon which include deleted/alternate scenes, commercials for the video games appearing in the movie, and the Oscar-winning animated short, Paperman. I thought La Luna (aired with Brave) was amazing, but Paperman knocked the hell out of it. This edition should help bide my time until Les Miserables hits shelves on 22 March. 

Enjoy those tombs, raiders! 

Heh, see what I did there? 

Yeah, just go with it. 

Crash out for the night. 

Deuces!

Thar Be Pirates!

Arg, thar she blows! Yes, indeed, the leaked information has revealed the next Assassin's Creed game. Ubisoft released the remaining details early Monday morning for the adoring fans (myself included) to ponder why the f*ck they're continuing in the 18th century. AC III gave us the later portion of the 1700s, so why must we (for the first time in the series) back-track on the time-line? The fifth installment better not continue the Kenway saga. Why not go for broke in World War One? I mean, hey Ubisoft, you f*cked up royally with battlefields of the American Revolution, so how about you try again with trench warfare? Make it a real challenge to dodge thousands of bullets coming at you in rapid succession. Why not do what Pandemic did and give World War Two a shot? If the Templars vs Assassins duel is what you want, then why not involved Hitler with the Templar's scheme to bring the world into his own version of order and balance? 

I am asking way too many questions this early in the game. With Assassin's Creed IV due out later this holiday season, we'll have plenty of time to bitch (or praise) whatever Ubisoft dishes up. Should I keep ending sentences with a preposition? Is that proper grammar? Am I an English major? Do grizzly bears eat salmon? 

Anyway, pre-order Assassin's Creed IV at your local Gamestop and pick up a sweet double-sided poster with an incredible artwork from Todd MacFarlane and a map of the world on the back-side. I won't show it because everyone loves a surprise. 

So, it's technically Tuesday 5 March which means................Tomb Raider and Wreck-It Ralph are out!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now, like every single boy growing up in the 90s, I've had a fantasy crush on Lara Croft. Who hasn't? She's the ideal fictional woman: adventurous, smart, brunette, dangerous, handles weapons well, athletic, and has curves so damn smooth she might as well be silk. Since I was six years old and my brother bought the very first Tomb Raider game, Lara Croft has been an essential part of my mid- to late-childhood and onward into my adolescence and now early adulthood. From the games to the comics to the movies and now back to the games, I've followed her every adventure from those early days of avoiding the T-Rex to paying only $17 for Underworld when I should've paid full price (thanks, Gamestop, for putting Underworld in instead of the Anniversary edition). Tomb Raider has had one of the most lucrative existences within the entertainment industries. Simply put, Lara Croft will never fade and I'm perfectly fine with such. 

As promised last post, I will have the collector's edition sometime within the next twenty-four hours. Details, pictures, and a review will be up as time allows. I'll try to cover as much in the game as I can with the time off this week. My hopes are that this game will redeem my f*cked decision to buy Gearbox's latest disappointment as I've so colorfully mentioned in the past. We will never speak its name again. Just know Hudson was right: 

Ripley was right as well: 

All rights and respects belong to Twentieth Century Fox and the brilliant James Cameron, Bill Paxton, and Sigourney Weaver for delivery such wisdom to so many. 

Keep your station tuned to The Late Duck, all you daring adventurers. All the news in the latest fashion possible for those with the "I-have-to-work-or-I'll-die" affliction. Hey, don't feel bad. We all get it sometime. While I haven't yet, I have a feeling it's coming. Dun, dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnnn........

The Crash has landed.