A Clichéd Title

There's a familiar point in any undergraduate's college career when these two words take firm hold of any remaining attention span: f*ck it. Yes, I speak of the world-renowned term commonly referred to as "Senioritis". 

Those brave enough to balance fifteen or more hour semesters with a full-time job, I proudly stand beside you and shame the several living this so-called 'college experience'. Aside from this rant, let's get on with the show.

Well, after a two month hiatus, sabbatical, R&R, or as I personally call it, my own personal Hell, I establish my long-awaited return to this social blogging scene. Not like anyone's reading the nonsensical babble unless I count my various altered personalities. Two are British, one's Irish, and the other German. 

What happened these past couple months, you ask? Allow me to enlighten. 

1) Borderlands 2, upon two months of ravenous gameplay, is astounding. From the various baubles to the latest Captain Scarlett DLC, Gearbox and 2K f*cking delivered on every promise. Attention video game developers! THIS IS HOW YOU DO A GODDAMN SEQUEL! Pay more attention to the motherf*cking story and less on a throw-away multiplayer. Treyarch, I'm pointing at you. Seriously. I can't even begin to remember a Call of Duty in which the multiplayer outlasted its successor. Same with Halo. EA and Battlefield managed to overcome this by actually ADDING to their multiplayer. Hello, DESTRUCTIBLE ENVIORNMENT, how are you today? Oh, you want me to DRIVE A TANK THROUGH THE ENEMY BUILDING?! Sure, why not and while I'm at it, I can call an ARTILLERY STRIKE TO LEVEL THE ADJACENT BUILDING! Did I see that in any Call of Duty? HA-HA-F*CKING-HA! I make myself laugh in all caps. 

This would really work better in video format....

Oh, well.....onward!

2) Dishonored and Resident Evil 6: the two games that came out within a week of each other. Please, buy them now. Get your friends to help you with RE 6. For the love of all things holy and good in the world. GET SOMEONE TO HELP YOU!!! I'm pretty sure I nearly wet myself going solo. 

3) I shell out for collector's editions. You've seen the nerd-swag available with past editions. Ubisoft didn't disappoint. Assassin's Creed III was totally worth dropping a cool $120 just like B-Lands II and it's $150 tag. While I'm just twenty percent into the game, I can already tell Ubisoft has done right with the fan-base. Without spoiling the game, vive la revolution! 

4) February just became very expensive. Alien: Colonial Marines has the date for the twelfth and Bioshock: Infinite stole the twenty-third. Behold, my friends! The $150 Songbird edition! Statue, keychain, figurine, art book, poster, coins, lithograph, oh, my circuits are over-loading! All packaged within era-appropriate boxing! BUY! BUY! BUY!!!! 

5) Don't judge me, but no, I've yet to see any new releases since the end of summer. 

6) The scores to all the above games: 

Borderlands 2- get off your f*cking ass and buy this

Dishonored- you must be batshit crazy if you're not thinking about buying this game

Resident Evil Six- it's great in the feel of survival horror, but in no way is this a rush-to-buy. I waited a week which says quite a bit. 

Assassin's Creed III- who wouldn't enjoy killing Redcoats in assassin-y styled fashions? Buy it now. You can make amends with your bank account later. 

7) Halo 4 and Black Ops II launch next week. Cools, but don't feel compelled on either. Feel free to go nuts. Halo 4 scored a 9.8 from IGN, so it's probably legit. COD goes near-futuristic gaming? Meh, I'll stick to my guns in 2142. Better gameplay. 

Who wants another rule for tonight? I do.

#412- When writing poetry, write for yourself. Professors, unless they're like Robin Williams in Dead Poet's Society, can suck it up and accept the fact not everyone's as pleasantly depressing as f*cking Sylvia Plath. No wonder the bitch killed herself. Props to Ted Hughes. 

Oh, one last thing.

Yeah, that's Max Brooks. Not only did I meet him, but also the Mythbusters. Now I know how to properly dispose of zombies with heavy explosives! See, science CAN be fun! 

Alright, world, Jonesy's signing off. 

In Full Swing

It's that glorious time of year again. My last time going through the rigors of college. While the semester may gain the majority of my already short attention span, this does not mean further neglect to those out there reading whatever I ramble. Classes, for the most part, are pretty heavy this round and ich muss mein Deutsch studieren, but there might just be time for Borderlands 2, Resident Evil Six, Dishonored, and especially Assassin's Creed III with Dredd hitting theatres in the mix of things. 

For now, though, bare with the delayed posts, the assumed forgetfulness, and supposed disregard to my blogging duties. Upon successful completion of my BA, this blog will rocket higher than a V2. 

As each game releases, I'll have my first thoughts posted, then an in-progress review, followed by a full-circle evaluation. Pictures of the collector's edition swag might find their way into the mix. 

Random note: Pick up Deadpool Kills the Marvel Universe and the new Gambit series. Also, Before the Watchmen recently included Rorschach to the issues. From my knowledge, he's up to just one as of now. 

Jonesy signing off with a customary rule- #51: Cherish each semester that you don't face down thirty term papers. Enjoy those times.

The Unattended Blog

So........welcome back after these long nine days. Much has happened. Video games played. Books read. Comics bought. Movies........not viewed. Sure, The Expendables 2 overcame its clunky and boring predecessor, but it's still that action-packed juggernaut film every summer needs to close out the season. Stallone, I'm sorry, but Marvel's The Avengers still kicks your ass nine ways to Sunday. Take on the Hulk after he beat down Loki and then, yes, I'll give props. Or, something we'll never see, do a movie that doesn't involve A) explosions, B) guns, and C) extreme violence. Schwarzeneggar's done it (Jingle All The Way), Statham's done it (The Italian Job). Just a change of pace, man. I get it. You're John Rambo. He blows shit up. You're Rocky. He beats people up. Try to escape the type-cast, bro. Actors have done it before. 

Moving on, then. PSN Plus owners were able to download Telltale's The Walking Dead adventure game for free this month as well as Outland (very interesting side-scroller) and Bloodrayne: Betrayal which has slightly complicated gameplay. As episodes one and two are the only ones out, your guess is good assuming those are the ones up for free. Please, for the good of humanity and yourself, download both. If you don't have PSN Plus, GET IT! If you do, good on you, mate. Have fun in the rightful adaptation of Robert Kirkman's brainchild. 

For those who are learned with Kirkman's original story, Telltale takes players along a prequel story following a character by the name of Lee trying to survive the outbreak in Atlanta. Just like the graphic novels, the setting changes constantly and those familiar with the novels will recognize certain areas as well as characters from the books. 

This series is incredible. From the cell-shaded graphics to the voice acting, I felt completely immersed in the story. As this game revolves around choices and morality, you'll feel compelled to revisit the game multiple times for different outcomes. My tally sits at two right now just to have two separate stories for my own intrigue. 

Now, for those unaware, Terminal Reality is currently developing a video game adaptation of the AMC series using Daryl as the primary. Without much to go on, I can't say much about the idea, but information coming from Gamescom seems to paint the game in a decent frame, but with lingering doubts. This is a game coming from a show that took several liberties with the source material. As far as I'm concerned, I have my game and I'm staying there. I wanted a series that came straight from the novels and I'll be damned if that's not what Telltale delivered. 

While I understand where AMC and Terminal Reality are going, providing fans of the TV series with a game, I'm sitting it out just as I am with the show. Perhaps later down the road I'll finally catch up with Season two, but for now, I'm content. 

Short post for today, but stay tuned in the coming weeks for more bits on Borderlands 2, Dishonored, and Assassin's Creed III. 

Until then, this is Jonesy signing off with my customary leave: #17- write a survival guide to the zombie apocalypse in whatever fashion. Get creative. Have fun. 

The Beer's Prayer

Now, I love beer. I don't, however, love being abso-bloody-lutely drunk outside my blooming mind. Never as a kid did I believe myself to appreciate the time and effort brewing beer takes. Upon my first proper pint last year on my twenty-first, I discovered a new-found love and appreciation for this alcoholic beverage loved by many and frowned upon by several others who just don't drink enough to get over their problems. 

As thanks for the memories, I propose a prayer to Beer be established: 

The Prayer to Beer as found in Inebriation, Chapter Seven; Verse Four:

Our Father who art inebriated

Sobered be thy name.

Thy pitcher full,

And pint glass filled,

In bars as it is at home.

Give us this night our daily shot,

And bless us our kegs,

As we bless those who tap amongst us.

And lead us not unto Keystone,

But deliver us to Shiner.

For the keg stand, dropshot, and beer pong are yours,

Now and forever.

Amen.

And I just wrote that. By me, for the masses to be recited at the beginning of each social event involving our precious......whatever type beer, porter, ale, stout to be enjoyed. 

Enough to be said on my devotion to beer. Now, onward to relevant information!

Friday proved me wrong with yet another round of cinematic entertainment. Will Ferrell and Zac Galifianakis fight the good fight in The Candidate which, surprisingly, hit a Fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones star as an interesting duo in Hope Springs also coming in on the Fresh rating. And, finally, Jeremy Renner picks up where Matt Damon left off in the ass-kicking department with The Bourne Legacy continuing a new trilogy where The Bourne Supremacy ended.

Firstly, no, I haven't seen any of the above mentioned films. I will as time permits. I have, however, seen the trailer for the Red Dawn remake starring Thor himself, Chris Hemsworth and Josh Peck as the Eckert brothers. If you hated the original, no offense, but f*ck you. Every teenager back in the Cold war era probably imagined sniping off some Russkies. How the hell should I know, right? I'm just a kid who was born right when the Soviet Union collapsed. Well, when you start imagining North Korea taking over Asia and Europe, then invading the U.S. and wiping out our entire infrastructure, you tend to start developing some common grounds with your Cold War counterparts.

Last month, I finally got around to playing Homefront, that poorly developed game by Kaos Studios. In a future where the communist North Koreans become the premier superpower in the entire f*cking world, the U.S. falls under the might of the wimpy offspring of an already satirized Kim Jong-Il (Kim Jong-Un for those not following). What I'm wondering is how the f*ck can a government not fall over laughing over the fact that a five foot Korean kid managed to overthrow multiple governments. An assassin can easily step on the Short Round wannabe and bingo. Crisis averted. We're saved thanks to my size fourteen combat boot.

Overall, Thanksgiving just got better. WOLVERINES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, and guess what everybody?! BORDERLANDS 2 IS ALMOST HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!! OOOOOOOMMMMMMGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!

.......sorry about that. But I will have the big, bad-ass Ultimate Loot Chest edition that I posted a while back. We'll crack that sucker open when 18 September rolls around.

I'm tired right now, so keep eyes and ears open for the latest news circling the interwebs. Check out Bethesda's Dishonored hitting shelves 8 October. I will have that as well as Assassin's Creed III (collector's, of course) on 30 October followed by Resident Evil Six on 6 November. Gear up for one of the greatest f*cking gaming seasons ever.

Until then, remember rule #67- Always bring a book with you to work even if you don't think you'll have time to read.

Jonesy signing off.

It's A Post

You know you're the late duck when recalling certain events from only a week ago becomes a virtual impossibility. Luckily, this only happens in a casual, laid-back environment and not in a work/school situation. On the more professional note, I do believe a late review is due. 


In wake of the final new summer release, I flocked to the midnight show of Len Wiseman's remake or, as I viewed it, re-imagination of Paul Verhoeven's 1990 Total Recall. 


Without revealing a majority of the plot for those unaware of the original source material, the story follows Doug Quaid- an Average Joe of sorts with troubling dreams and issues recalling certain memories. Colin Farrell's casting as the lead character was interesting. He brought a serious tone that Arnold Schwarzeneggar did not possess in the original. Here's a man without any idea of who he is and hearing others call him by another name tied to the resistance movement fighting against the tyrannical Chancellor Cohaagen played by a rather surprising Bryan Cranston who we'll get to in a moment. 


Now, when the original came out twenty-two years ago, I had only been around four months. I didn't see the film until around age twelve and, of course, couldn't make a damn bit of sense other than the fact Arnold's one-liners were cult classics. Youtube some of his greatest hits and stroll down nostalgia lane while you're there. 


The 1990 version was relatively unrealistic for obvious reasons. Cinematography's evolved over the past two decades. This goes to say the opposite for the 2012 remake as the presentation is absolutely phenomenal. Set in 2084, this world actually looks like one we could be heading towards. Magnetic streets with vehicles using reverse polarity to levitate. Synthetic police forces/militaries. Enhanced biometrics. Subterranean, transglobal travel (traveling through the earth from one continent to another at high speeds allowing mass transit in minutes). The next eighty-four years could find us in this world minus downsides of a third world war rendering environments uninhabitable. As amazing as the surroundings are, this really is the film's saving grace: presentation. 


Acting from Farrell, Beckinsale, Biel, and Cranston was great, but I couldn't help but feel the writers could have done more with the source material to move it above the original. You'll see throwbacks to the campy, corny, comical source material and a few "blink-or-you'll-miss-it" bits that give a chuckle. Other than paying homage to Verhoeven, the overall tone was the typical seriousness of low-class rebelling against tyrannical high-class. Of the four, Kate Beckinsale's portrayal of Lori Quaid was worthy of a show-stealer. This woman can do anything. From a WWII-era nurse to werewolf hunter, she has what it takes to be versatile with roles. Hell, her American accent versus her native British literally created two separate characters all because of her voice. In one unnamed scene, she goes from concerned wife to hardcore, bad-ass assassin without missing a beat (no, this wasn't the beginning). 


Cranston shined as Cohaagen and definitely used some of his acting from Breaking Bad to fashion a cold, ruthless, does-whatever-it-takes-to-get-done attitude. I'm surprised at his transformation from overly sensitive push-over (Malcolm in the Middle) to this well-established method acting. 


I honestly don't feel like spoiling the movie or the desire to see it, so I'll leave you with these closing remarks. I still love the original and would watch it any day. However, this doesn't go to say I wouldn't be up for a second viewing perhaps when it launches in three months on Blu Ray (funny how home media releases have been shortened by almost six months). Of the two, I'd much rather lean toward the realistic future presented in Wiseman's version. For a good laugh and flashback to innocent times, I'll always have Verhoeven's. 


Len Wiseman's Total Recall earns a spot in the second quarter, "Think about it for a bit, then stay on the couch and find something else on" unless you're in for a good summer action movie. If that's the case, enjoy. 


In other recent news, the Wachowski brothers are at it again! Yes, a spectacular presentation on the silver screen is upon us. Instead of continuing on an already dead series, the brothers team up to deliver Cloud Atlas, the film adaptation of David Mitchell's 2004 novel of the same name. Mitchell's narrative follows six individual stories occurring over the course of 1850 to a dystopian future. I picked up a copy, just started it, and will post updates as this noble endeavor progresses. As for the film, they're shooting for a brilliant all-star cast including Tom Hanks, Halle Berry, Jim Broadbent, Jim Sturgess, Ben Whishaw (appearing as Q in November's James Bond sequel, Skyfall), Susan Sarandon, Keith David, Hugo Weaving, and Hugh Grant. Cloud Atlas is scheduled to release 22 October 2012. 


That's all for tonight, but before I go, allow for my customary good-bye to sink in. #312- Read Cloud Atlas before 22 October because it's fun to compare original material versus its adapted version. 


Jonesy signing off for the first time in a while. 

Six Days Later

I guess proper blogging etiquette be damned. For those who don't keep regular tabs on most everything awesomely nerdy around the globe, this comes across as normal. For that remaining percentage, I would assume withdrawal symptoms take effect from lack of social networking and constantly existing within "the buzz". I'm different. Separating myself from that certain type of blogging allows me to take in more at one time rather than constantly trying to figure out multiple ways to say similar points. 


Other than that, at least from my limited perspective, the summer movie fest has certainly dimmed. Total Recall hits theatres next Friday, but apart from that, we're done with blockbusters. The 2012 summer season began with Marvel's The Avengers and damn well ended with The Dark Knight Rises with various other films to fill the gap. Some were good (Snow White and the Huntsman), some were comically satisfying (Madagascar 3, Brave), and some were flat out disappointing to at least bookworms (Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter). I'm definitely leaving out several films mainly because I haven't seen them due to limited release (Moonrise Kingdom, Safety Not Guaranteed), but I can rest assured knowing when they release on DVD/Blu-ray that my green will be hitting the scene on those indie flicks. 


For you gamers out there, T-minus less than two months for Borderlands 2 and the f*cking awesome Ultimate Loot Chest edition I thoughtfully pre-ordered for myself. 18 September will be magnificent! 


Now, I'm very tired and will retire. 


Anxious for more? Engage yourself in item #67- pick up the graphic novel adaptation of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button by F. Scott Fitzgerald. Thought the movie was good? Ha, guess again. 


Jonesy signing off. 

The Knight Rises

Let me begin this review by clearly stating this: 

SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!

Now, shall we? 

Christopher Nolan definitely saved the best of his directing skills for last. This honestly goes without saying, but you have to give the man credit. The Dark Knight Rises along with Marvel's The Avengers lead the charge to include comic book movies for the Academy Awards. While most critics will thoroughly dissect the film trying to find every possible downside, it's their job to act as these pretentious douchebags in search of a quick buck. Other reviewers, such as the chaps over at IGN, understand the interior of comic book films and deliver a much detailed version of the review fans don't need, but deserve. 

I've been a loyal follower of Bob Kane's brainchild since I first heard Kevin Conroy's voice during the run of the animated Batman. No Batman film has passed through time without my knowing. And then......Christopher Nolan comes along and forever changes the way fans look at the Caped Crusader. While it's a disappointment to know Nolan's Batman won't be showing up in the Justice League of America movie, fans can rest assured knowing the Bats finally had a damn good run on the silver screen. 

Focus on this film was clearly centered around suspense. Those who dug a little deeper than most already knew the basic outline of events to transpire. Those who went further found leaked footage of certain fight scenes. Those who paid close attention at Bat School pretty much figured Joseph Gordon-Levitt's character was that wonder boy of sorts and Marion Cotillard's femme fatale was an old love interest of the Dark Knight. My jaw dropped when these were revealed on-screen. In one of those rare "Ho-ly shit" moments, Nolan delivered more than I expected. I pride myself on figuring out early the correlation between John Blake and Tim Drake. Moving back on point, the suspense leading up to Bats vs Bane led me to the confirmation of my one wish: Bane breaks the Bat. And.........hell yes. I, for one, was shocked at the level of enthusiasm my theatre shared at this moment: none. This was the rising action of the entire film and people were understandably shocked, but come on. This scene deserves an uproar of applause. This leads into my next point: Bane.

Die-hard fans of Heath Ledger's Joker (me) might find Tom Hardy's villainous portrayal of Bane rough around the edges at first, but I found myself getting used to the non-luchador, Venom-enhanced, South American master criminal. Bane's voice was particularly interesting as a study on villains. He spoke in what I call the traditional British villain accent. Refined, proper, intelligent, and sinister. Hearing this voice meant that you knew beyond a reasonable doubt this guy was a harbinger of "I'm f*cked". While Hardy wasn't Ledger-level performance, I abso-bloody-lutely loved his acting and Nolan's idea for a realistic Bane. Even if that idea failed, it would've still been better than the last on-screen Bane we saw. Talk about laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame. 

Christian Bale has never once made me doubt his clout for Batman. His last ride soared past his performance in The Dark Knight. Here's a man, eight years after taking the fall for Harvey Dent's death, looking for nothing except a way out from his internal torment. Now equipped with a cane and grey streaks, Bruce Wayne falls into hermitage while Gotham finally enjoys peace-time. However, you can't spell Gotham with the B-A-T-M-A-N. Bale really injected the rise and fall feel for the character across the span of three films. When the Batman does fall, Bale uses that idea to re-invigorate the sense of purpose into a fallen icon. As always, Bale meshes with his supporting cast perfectly. With Alfred, we see this father-son relation at the breaking point. Michael Caine could not have been more convincing especially at the end. Alfred's wish to see Bruce married and with children provided Caine with the perfect level of emotion to give the relationship meaning. This is a man who's seen the birth, upbringing, rise, and fall of an orphaned boy. Nolan made this bond akin to a father worrying about losing a son on a battlefield. 

Gary Oldman and Morgan Freeman shine in their respective roles again as Commissioner Gordon and Lucius Fox even though screen-time for the characters was a little lax in the beginning. I found it interesting to see Gordon bed-ridden while recovering from his injuries. Had he been younger, there might've been the escape attempt to jump back into the fray. One supporting role that surprised me was Matthew Modine as deputy commissioner Peter Foley. The last film I saw with this guy in it was Memphis Belle, so needless to say, I didn't recognize him. His mirror opposite of Gordon was refreshing to see after the Dent and Gordon team-up where both were on the same side until the Two-Face bit. 

Now, of all the supporting roles, I've saved my favorite for last: Anne Hathaway as Selina Kyle. Move over, Michelle Pfeiffer. You and Halle Berry can keep on walking. Of course, Hathaway's not the carbon copy of the comic book Catwoman, but damn does she convince me otherwise. She's smart, sexy, agile, and not afraid to lay to the hurt on apple-stealing thugs. I had my doubts months ago. Thanks to her performance and Nolan's directing/writing ability, I forgot the meaning of 'doubt' once I saw her in the Catwoman persona. It was nice not to hear the name 'Catwoman', but rather 'cat burglar' instead. Some things just need not be said to make a point. 

I won't go hellishly deep into the plot because that would be terrible manners. What I will say is this film racks up to my top tier in the "Get the f*ck off the couch and see this damn movie right now" rating. Nolan's departure from the Batman legacy may be over, but will never go forgotten. His contributions to a well-established lore now shine in the kingdom of Nerd-dom forever. A series seven years in the making has successfully ended in a fashion thoroughly pleasing to any fan of the Bats. 

"It's not who I am underneath, but what I do that defines me"

Remember that when thinking what DO you do with a BA in English. There's always #3- inject Batman into any Sherlock Holmes story and conduct a battle of the detectives. 

Jonesy signing off

A New Feel

That last title was just too damn long to remember. "The Late Duck" sounds more catchy and makes sense in three ways: I'm usually always late with reviews, late with catching up on pop culture, and most often posting late into the evening. I will, however, continue with the whole "What DO you do with a BA in English" just for continuity's sake. 


So, what's new in the world? Honestly.....more than I can list right now. SDCC launched into full swing and, regrettably, I'm stuck in north Texas. Marvel stepped up to bat with sequels and some change. Plans for the Thor, Captain America, Iron Man, hell, even Ant Man have been shined on a tad more. Of course, the Mandarin has been slotted for Stark's baddy this time around, but what of Cap? Dun, dun, duuuuunnnnnnn......the Winter Soldier. There was just no way in hell Bucky was offed in The First Avenger. He's found by Soviets and bada-bing: Winter Soldier. Makes sense, I want to see it, how about you?


This caught me pleasantly off-guard: Deadpool gets the video game treatment. Hells to the hell yes! I've watched the trailer multiple times now and can't find a damn wrong thing about it. I mean, come on! The Merc with a Mouth at your fingertips! As if MvC 3 wasn't enough. There has to be a life-bar special move. 

Enjoy!

And if that's not enough to scratch your Deadpool itch, Nolan North voices the lovable pyschotic Weapon XI. I, for one, is happy. 

Alright, kiddies, daddy's bedtime approaches. Stay tuned for more info on everything you know and love, but don't have enough time to stay on top. Might just find my review of Asus' Nexus 7 which is a might bit impressive from what I've seen. Quad-core processor running on Android 4.1 Jellybean, 16GB hard drive with 1GB memory all on a brightly lit 7" LCD screen. Pretty lightning fast with internet browsing. $246 at your local Sam's Club. Pick yours up today so you can find out what else you can do with a BA in English such as #288- Write a poem about Deadpool and recite at your next open mic. 

Until next time, late ducks. 

Jonesy signing off. 

The Inevitable Review

How many times in the past few weeks have I been promising a review on Brave? Far too many. Fortunately, my days of sleeping in bloody late have drawn to a minimum. As much as it pleases me to introduce with no more ado my review on Disney and Pixar's Brave. 


I've seen every Pixar film since Toy Story back in the day and every subsequent release with the exception of Cars II because we all know what's the damn point? First bit to catch my attention was the brilliant short La Luna. Now, we've all seen the little shorts before most Pixar films, but this was everything clever, smart, heartfelt, and genuinely inspiring. Who would've thought? Moon sweepers. Abso-bloody-lutely genius. 


On the whole of Brave as another Pixar installment, I have to say there wasn't anything groundbreaking. The traditional Disney feel of adventure, excitement, heroism, family, and friends split the arrow right down the middle. I found myself laughing, taking the film seriously, and wanting that good old fashion Disney ending of happily ever after. 


Without spoiling the film (moving into the plot now), Brave focuses on a rebellious young princess named Merida who wants nothing more than to be free of her overbearing mother. Preferring the adventurous lifestyle involving nothing more than her trusty bow and arrow, Merida goes about a rather brash action which leads into the perilous conundrum that reshapes her entire mindset about family and fate. 


The acting, as a whole, was decent. Film buffs will pick out quite a few notable voices like Craig Ferguson, Billy Connolly, Emma Thompson, Kevin McKidd, Julie Walters, and Robbie Coltrane. John Ratzenberger has an appearance as Gordon, the guard. John's usually always been in Pixar's films like Toy Story, A Bug's Life, Monsters Inc, and so on. 


While Brave's merits definitely outweigh the cons, I would've been fine waiting for this on Blu Ray/DVD. As this comes as a public service and since I've been wanting to see the film, my rating still racks up to the third quarter "Think about it for a bit, then go see the movie". Make your educated decision and enjoy whichever route taken. 


Speaking of routes, why not take this one: #77- Read the Grimm Fairy Tales and ruin those childhood viewings of several memorable bedtime stories. 


Until next time, dasvidania, comrades. 


Yeah, yeah, it's not the proper Cyrillic. Boo-hoo. 

The Human Spider

Well, now, I feel sheepish. Here I've been with a review of The Amazing Spiderman since Tuesday and it's now the week's end that I finally get around. Promptness, obviously, remains my number one priority lesson to learn. How can I possibly make it up to the unknown fans? 


Review.


Right, then. What has Marc Webb taken from cinema's emergency ward and successfully rehabilitated? Hint: not Lindsay Lohan. If you guessed Spiderman, congratulations, you pay attention to worthy matters. As of 3 July, your friendly neighborhood Spiderman webcrawled/swung back into the hearts and minds of nerds the world over. 


Starring Andrew Garfield (The Social Network; The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus), Emma Stone (Superbad, Easy A, Zombieland), and Rhys Ifans (Pirate Radio, The Replacements, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Pt 1), this ensemble cast with supporting roles from Martin Sheen and Sally Field (Uncle Ben and Aunt May, respectively) brought the webslinger's adventures back to life. 


In a new paragraph, let's go more into details on the actors, their characters, and the script. Andrew Garfield picks up Spidey's mantle five years after Tobey Macguire swung out of the costume. His acting gave that sense of believability with Peter Parker back in the high school nerd persona. He brings the perfect combination required for Parker and Spiderman that Macguire just didn't hit. Garfield brought comedy, severity, romance, and concern over his character's intentions. 


Emma Stone worked her magic yet again on the screen. As a natural blonde, she fit like a glove as Gwen Stacy. While seeing Bryce Dallas Howard as Gwen was positively gorgeous, Stone added into the closest adaptation of the comics we've seen so far. Her history of comic relief mixed with genuine concern and dedication to a role played well to draw in more of the audience into seeing her as Parker's real love interest. 


Rhys Ifans as Dr. Curt Connors a.k.a. "The Lizard" was phenomenal. Granted, Willem Dafoe made an excellent villain as Norman Osborn/Green Goblin, I really had the feel of Ifans as the man-with-good-intentions-gone-insane after his first brush with power. Hell, I even preferred Webb's Lizard iteration. Why? This added to the humanity of the villain. What good has a villain when you can't see what he/she was before or could be again? 


As far as the script goes with just the above three actors, I could not have been happier. "You found my weakness! It's small knives!" Hilarious, catchy, and exactly something Parker/Spiderman would pull off. One high and low: Stan Lee's cameo and no Bruce Campbell cameo. Hell yes to the first and damn it to the second. Just have to hail to both kings, you know? 


Without revealing too much, the general premise laid out more backstory than Raimi could imagine doing. A glimpse of Parker's parents, what his father was working on, and the importance he played with Connors and Oscorp. Webb can surely hash out more elaboration in the future installments which I'm guessing will become a trilogy or possibly more. Whether my predictions are aces or I'm just pissing in the wind, I'm on board the Spidey Express. 


I give The Amazing Spiderman a traditional score of 8/10, 4/5, and my personal JCRS score of "Get off the f*cking couch and see this movie!" This I will say as a negative: the film felt rushed. Production value, I understand, just the belief that more could have been included if more running time was given. Oh, and one more thing. That post-credits scene........w.......t........f? Norman Osborn? Otto Octavius? Quentin Beck? Possibly the first, not likely on the other two. But, damn. Wouldn't it be awesome to start seeing some of the original villains like Vulture or Mysterio? Maybe Scorpion or Rhino? Start sending those letters, boys and girls! 


Couple more things:


1) Saw the one, the only......Smash Mouth live in Flower Mound last night at Bakersfield Park. Once I start downloading the vids, I'll work some into future posts. And yes, they were f*cking legen-wait for it............................................................................................................-DARY!!!!!! 


2) The collector's edition for Assassin's Creed III is officially announced for North America retailing at around $100-120 which includes a nine inch statue of Connor, Revolutionary War flag, Assassin logo belt buckle, and additional DLC. Pre-order at your local Gamestop where it's always power to the players. 


3) Watch The Warriors now, please. It's just too good a movie to pass up your entire life. 


And, most importantly, that ever-important question of what DO you do with a BA in English? #279- Leave your summer semester research paper until the last minute because you're damn tired from having to wake up early every morning, rush to class, then read/write until dawn only to rinse/repeat. 


I have been watching Chuck, though, so I can't really complain. 


Jonesy signing off. 

Three-word Title

Three-word titles are often catchy because they never go beyond a given limit. Robert Kirkman demonstrates this principle with The Walking Dead. Why create some lengthy-ass title that no one will ever pay any mind? Instead, fashion some short-ass title that quite a few people will pay mind to all because of their very limited attention span and likelihood to stare at shiny objects. 


So, my point being, the past few posts have had three-word titles. Short, catchy, to the point. That jazz.


As most of you veteran nerds may well know, Firefly, is nearing the ten-year mark come September. In commemoration of a fallen series, I implore you to help celebrate Whedon's brain-child by pulling an all-day marathon. Hopefully by doing so we'll have given proper homage to the entertainment gods and be graced with more shinies in the future. 


Unless you want to jump into classic Greek tragedy or how much I hate my job, I believe now is good a time as any to conclude what probably won't be the shortest damn post ever. Consider this more as a filler between now and Tuesday. 


Yes, I will be seeing The Amazing Spiderman at midnight for both my viewing pleasure and your entertainment review needs. July will definitely not let anyone down on new releases. Christopher Nolan may be the exception to that. Can you really follow up on Heath Ledger's Joker four years later? Honestly? I don't rightfully believe The Dark Knight Rises will hit the same mark The Dark Knight did back in 2008. Regardless, I'm a f*cking Batman nut, so there goes a near-future eight bucks. 


Alright, class, open your books to #414- Convert one of Shakespeare's plays into either a song or musical. 


Jonesy signing off. 

RIFFS! YEAH, RIGHT!

Yes, I just watched The Warriors for the tenth time. This 1979 cult classic directed by Walter Hill simply cannot be ignored and pushed aside as a work in mediocrity. Hell, even the damn game was good. I honestly can't find any grievances anywhere throughout the film. If you haven't caught this flick yet, stop reading, find it on Youtube, Half Price Books, Amazon, I don't care. Watch it, love it, and spread the awesome. 


Speaking of more recent films, no, I've yet to catch Brave, but managed to view Ted earlier today. Any and all fans of Seth MacFarlane will truly appreciate his entrance into film directing. This movie has heart, hilarity, vulgarity, and just plain damn raunchiness. MacFarlane really does bring the vibes of Family Guy into the plot and characters of Ted. 


In a story of a young boy wishing his teddy bear alive, anyone with a memorable childhood will immediately connect. I mean, come on. Who wouldn't want their stuffed bear come alive over night? In a bizarre 'what-if' scenario, MacFarlane, Wahlberg, and Kunis really shine in their respective performances. Mark Wahlberg's typical roles usual toss him into the bad-ass action hero, so having a chance to play a comedy allows him a chance to break this certain type-cast. MacFarlane steals the show as the lovable title character with his Peter Griffin persona. I could not stop laughing during his scenes. The CGI used for displaying Ted was amazing. He really seemed life-like and literally present in the film rather than a graphic rendering. Kunis was the lesser of the three, but still gave it her all as the forgivable wedge between John and Ted. 


Without giving too much away, Ted truly is the funniest comedy of the year thus far. Plenty of laughs that don't overstay their welcome with equal amounts heart to develop the characters and plot. For my rating, I will say this: If you love Family Guy, get off your ass and see the f*cking movie. If not, chillax on the couch and watch The Warriors. 


Until then, boppers, always remember what DO you do with a BA in English? #81- Adapt Shakespeare's plays into the graphic novel format and get creative. 


Stay tuned, bookworms. Stay tuned. 

The Circus Afro

So, Chuck is my new favorite show. Just a shame it's over now. The show's originality caught my initial interest, but as I'm progressing through the first season, I'm finding that it's just a good show to lay back and chill. This also provides more credit to my name in the pop culture department. Upon successful completion of Chuck and Arrested Development, I will feel confident enough to finish TBBT and thus be somewhat accomplished in the past TV shows viewing effort. 


I did mention in the previous entry that four movies would be viewed by the end of today, but Moonrise Kingdom was, apparently, a limited release that didn't make it to a majority of the DFW area. Same with To Rome With Love. My end result was Abe Lincoln and Madagascar 3 (not on the original list, but still worth seeing). Our famous "New York Giants" or "Giant Pansies" make the trip back to New York only to find interest in certain other passions involving tightropes, trapeze, flaming hoops, and (of course), the circus afro. 

Despite what may seem a bit ridiculous, the third entry in the series was funny to a twenty-two year-old as well as five year-olds. Plenty of heart, laughs, and moments that give credit to Dreamworks' ability to continue promoting animated films. Performances by Ben Stiller, Chris Rock, Jada Pinkett-Smith, and David Schwimmer keep up to par with the plot and audience expectations. Now, I've been watching the first film non-stop at work, so it's interesting to see how far the series has come in the past few years. As for what's next in line, I'm not entirely sure. Many animated series seem to end at the trilogy mark, so hopefully this won't be drawn out for an inordinate amount of time. Supporting performances by Martin Short as the Italian sea lion Stefano, Sacha Baron Cohen as the returning King Julien, and Bryan Cranston in a surprising role as the washed-up, self-loathing Russian Tiger, Vitaly make for both recurring and new moments throughout the film. 


Ted hits theatres on Friday, 29 June which has already impressed some critics over at IGN citing Seth MacFarlane's introduction to feature-filmmaking as the "best comedy of the year". Hell, after the red band trailer, I'm willing to agree. 


In the week after, The Amazing Spiderman webslings into theatres on 3 July just in time for the Fourth of July rush. Midnight showing? Hell yes. Can Marc Webb truly reinvent Spidey to appease the audiences? Perhaps, given the Lizard isn't dumb-ass looking and Stan Lee's cameo is worth remembering. As long as the ending leads into sequels, I'm down. 


Stay tuned, bookworms and film buffs. Pixar's Brave just might show up here before Friday. 


And, remember. Don't panic, always bring a towel, say thanks for the fish, and #308- Read through Douglas Adams' The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy while drinking the Pangalactic Gargleblaster attempting not to feel the sensation of a golden brick wrapped in lemon smashing into your head repeatedly. 


Cheerio, mates. 

The Vampire Hunter

I know reviews were promised for multiple movies this weekend, so let's start with the one you've seen litter this blog, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. Where does this rest as a film adaptation of a two year-old novel? Depends. For fairness of Grahame-Smith's work as well as audiences in general, I will compose two separate reviews based on certain criteria: one for those who read the book and have seen the film (me) and another for those who only view the film itself.


Trust me on this. Seeing particular films with friends who are unaware of the novel's material really does pay out. Two views of the same movie, yet two completely different opinions come out. 


Let's begin, shall we?


Novel First, Movie After:
As you know, I read this book during the previous semester in my American Lit course. A very highly anticipated read, I began two weeks early and eventually composed an eight-page paper over the topic "Does Grahame-Smith preserve history through creativity?" Absolutely. He spared no expense researching Lincoln's life as well as events surrounding his exploits. My understanding of this material became solid and unquestionable. 


Viewing Timur Bekmambetov's direction of Grahame-Smith's screenplay can only be summed up in one word: short. The novel, while somewhat lengthy at 300+ pages, never fails to extend certain plot elements. Reading the book offers the fullest experience. Now, to no surprise, Grahame-Smith wrote the screenplay as well as produced his adaptation. This can also be seen with Robert Kirkman's The Walking Dead in which the original author holds a contributing hand in the on-screen version. However, I believe this holds a certain issue. Authors of the base material feel obligated to cut out, add in, or blend scenes together which can dramatically alter the film for those who already know well their material. While I won't reveal any spoilers, be prepared to tilt/scratch your head in confusion if you've read the book. Those age-old questions "Where's this" or "What's this" comes around multiple times. 


Acting stands as the film's strongest point. Benjamin Walker as Lincoln shines in the role. Absolutely incredible performance from beginning to end. Filling the shoes of Abraham Lincoln never brings an easy task, but Walker's stature combined with a strong voice gives credit to a prominent figure who's actual nature was somewhat timid. 


Dominic Cooper as Henry confused me. In the book (not really a spoiler), his role resided more in the shadows leading Abe through the plot very secretively. From their initial interaction, certain "get-to-know-you" discussions, and throughout the story, Henry's friendship with Abe went through many trials which don't really translate to film well. If you're reading this and not understanding, remember, this review is for those who read the book and know what I mean. 


The story, in general, deviates from the novel version almost entirely. Major events that shaped Smith's Lincoln were cut out and hardly to not even mentioned. Ann Rutledge has a "blink-or-you'll-miss-it" cameo during the Battle of Gettysburg scene. Pay very close attention and you'll see. 


Overall verdict for book first, movie later: Third quarter- Think about it for a bit on the couch, then go see the damn movie. In more traditional sense: a three of five or six of ten. Adequate for comparisons between the medias, but nowhere near a faithful adaptation. This can be forgiven only when looking at the matter through a production/financial window. 


Movie only:
Can't really say much without spoiling the film, so this I will say. Just watch the film, don't read the book, and go about your merry. Most likely, you're part of the bandwagon crowd that loved the AMC version of The Walking Dead rather than take the longer route to read through the entire graphic novel series and find a better, more fulfilling enjoyment. 


I will include this. Should you come at an impass, choose one or the other. Enjoy one, ignore the other. I'm a part of a select group capable of discussing both in greater detail. I leave the choice for your sound mind. 


As the weekend progresses, more reviews will appear for Seeking a Friend for the End of the World, Moonrise Kingdom, and Brave. Sunday should mark the completion of each review. 


Until then, allow me an opportunity to burden your minds with yet another insightful view into what DO you do with a BA in English: #19- Read and/or contribute to the mash-up/mutant genre that is quickly sweeping the globe. It's fun, entertaining, and educational! 


Jonesy signing off to hunt down some vampires. 

Three Little Words

I. Am. Done.....with my fifth short essay, that is. Normally, I'm extending my written efforts well into the night, but for some strange damn reason, I finished half an hour before midnight. Funny part about this whole deal:


I wrote over Plato's Euthyphro and how Epicurus ties into a fictionalized Socrates. Simply put, I took maxim #65 "It is pointless for a man to pray to the gods for that which he has the power to obtain by himself". Yes, of course, explanation. Like I said, quite simple.


Mankind, over the centuries, has always invented some religious deity for societies to worship. Fortunately, there are certain individuals within those cultures who believe a little idea I like to call "self-service". My question to you is exactly identical to Epicurus: Why waste time praying to whatever when you can just as easily perform the duties yourself? Example: You pray to God for an A in Calculus. Wouldn't you much rather study intensively and earn the grade to call it your own? Don't thank God for good fortune, thank yourself instead because it came from the actions you performed. Never sell yourself short in the name of an unproved deity. Ever notice how religion is nothing but hearsay? Think about it.


Anyway, back to the news that's new and improved. Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, Brave, Seeking a Friend for the End of the World, and many others hit theatres in ONE DAY!!!!!!!!!! You can tell I'm excited, right? Right?!?!?! Just say yes and drink the damn Kool-Aid. 


Critics have slammed Honest Axe-wielding Abe which royally pisses me off. Doesn't help these critics were from the UK. 1) Different culture, different history over here, 2) American authors write slightly different than British. Always have, always will. 3) After Twilight, the world deserves a better rendition of vampiric lore. As I've said before. Read the book thoroughly and watch the movie to enjoy the mash-up shiny. 


Movies dominate this summer season. Expect a drastic shift in focus starting in September when Borderlands II makes landfall. We've still got Ted, The Amazing Spiderman, and The Dark Knight Rises in our near future.


Random tangent: Shouldn't this be The Dark Knight Falls? This IS Bane we're talking about here. You know. The hyped-up-on-Titan luchador with a hell-bent desire to wreak mayhem on Bruce Wayne/Batman. I mean, come on! He broke the Bat! If we're going to get deep on this, he "made God bleed" for those of you who remember Whiplash's line in Iron Man II. This is why I love Arkham Asylum and City. I get to see the Batman universe I know and adore. Speaking of Batman......Lego Batman II is finally available. Now, I like what Traveler's Tales has done with LEGOs, but now.......damn. This will be an entry I'm certain to buy full retail possibly today. I won't reveal anything, but please, please, please, don't pass this title. 


And that, mes amis, is all I have to say about that because there's a day off to be had in which I have no damn worries of any sort. For instance: #88- Shake your writing style up to hopefully appease your Lit professor who probably despises your feeble attempts to write up to his standards. You'll actually worry less about writing said paper! 


For tonight, this is Jonesy signing off. 

Just One Word

Ambition

Years ago, I once believed life would be infinitely more awesome with a place of my own. No parents to say "Empty the trash" or "Mow the lawn". No threats of an ass-whoopin' in the event deadlines weren't meant for clean rooms. Just friends, video games, and good times. Sadly, current wages don't allow rent payments and here at home I woefully remain. 

What is life outside the confines of a parent's dominion? I've never the chance to bask in this sweet, liberating glory with only an annoying landlord demanding next month's rent at the beginning of the current. Must my creativity be stifled under such a tyrannical regime? Yes, I admit dyeing my hair dark red or any other color might be a fool's folly, yet how the hell will I ever know my definition of life if I'm not willing to define it? 

Granted, by remaining steady in my education, I removed work from a full-time status, thus preventing a more higher source of income. In this pursuit, however, my chances for a job more suitable than f*cking retail climb exponentially. 

College students: Don't let anyone tell you a degree isn't worth your time. Fight for an education as you would for a woman. Fight with pride, dignity, knowledge, and serenity. Find your goal and NEVER back down. 

I cannot stress the above enough. This blog mainly focuses on pop culture and American society, but tonight, this gets real. I dial back on the bullshit temporarily to introduce a shred of insight for those in dire need of inspiration. Take this lesson from me. Your college career defines who you are. Each class taken, each new person met, and each bit of knowledge learned shapes the person you wish to become. Change universities, change majors, change the way you write, talk, walk, act. Do whatever it takes to earn a degree (within reason, of course. I deny all accusations levied upon me from here on out). 

Yes, people have led successful lives without a college education, but think about this: Do you want to do what they do? Suppose they're an entrepreneur. A mechanic. Inventor. These people found goals in their strengths which might not be yours. Find what it is in life you desire and have at it. Be a doctor, an archaeologist, a lawyer, director, teacher, researcher. I don't care. Never settle for less than what you're capable of doing. Live a life comparable to that of three, five, ten, twenty, hell, one hundred! Do something extraordinary for yourself or others. Succeed for the benefits of a greater good. 

I know my calling. Reading, writing, listening, speaking. Living. Cultural studies. Foreign languages. Strange, but interesting traditions and customs. Exotic landscapes. Breath-taking sights. I mean the experiences of traveling. My ambition breaches through that of a normal man's. I cannot begin to imagine the restrictions of an office environment that isn't either IGN or Game Informer. What I can picture are the photographs taken by my Nikon D3100. The words written regarding recent experiences wherever my adventures take me. The people I share encounters with. The one true love I share my life with. Alright, that last one was me getting a little soft. 

Who doesn't dream of a life this grand? I want this, nay, I deserve this after all the effort I've given. I deserve this life because I know I can attain that life. My skills, my knowledge, my ambition to keep learning will take me directly to these opportunities. Vigilance, perseverance, dedication, devotion, and (above all) patience guides man along the correct path. 

And, without further ado, I present to you another brilliant idea of what DO you do with a BA in English: #492- Ask Grecians about Euripides' Aeschylus, Plato, and various other ancient Greek authors just to see how much they know about their history. 

Jonesy signing off to read more Plato...

An Empty Glass

I propose this maxim after spending yesterday and today working outside under a harsh sun: 


"Give the son an axe, a shovel, a trowel, and a chainsaw and he will do hard work." 


When you're faced with stump removal in climates upward to ninety-five to one-hundred plus degrees, the likelihood of accomplishing any work slightly diminishes minute-by-minute. In the same event, if your tools consist of any of the above mentioned, weather be damned. Negotiating with foliage remnants with extreme prejudice (and by that, I mean a gas-powered chainsaw)just becomes so f*cking awesome. We've all come across the moment in Doom 3 when we finally get our hands on the coveted Bucky chainsaw. Toss those cheat codes in and the game becomes a downward roller coaster ride of demonic pacification. Years after tearing through Hell's hordes with my precious saw, I put those skills to good use. Of course, maniacal laughter becomes a must whilst sawing through organic material......don't take that out of context. This isn't a murderous declaration of intent. Just a factual account of a first-time chainsaw experience. 


Now, as to matters pertaining the entertainment society, this week's box office release were a handful of hit-and-misses. That's My Boy and Rock of Ages released today amidst a sea of negativity. While I've not the chance to view either film, these come down to preference. Sandler fans will flock while true fans of his earlier works might turn a blind eye. As for a rock-and-roll themed musical, I honestly can't and won't say anything against until a viewing has occurred. Granted, Detroit Rock City wasn't a musical and focused on one primary band (KISS, of course), I feel like this can act as a decent basis to judge Rock of Ages. Think about it: you have two groups. One maintains a deep appreciation for the music while another protests against it. Both sides encounter each other at some point in the film to exchange ideals. I can only go so far until actually seeing the movie which will most likely occur given the film's ensemble cast. 


Next week carries some boastful entries all releasing 22 June. 


1) Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter
2) Pixar's Brave 
3) Seeking a Friend for the End of the World
4) To Rome with Love 


All four equally deserve serious attention. Hopefully, I can score a second day off and enjoy a movie marathon. There's one film in particular, Safety not Guaranteed, that slipped under the radar last week. Naturally, most independent films appear at Sundance, Cannes, or the Indie Film Fest, but rarely make it to a nation-wide release. Hell, I haven't even seen the damn trailer to this, but I'd be willing to drive as far as Austin if it meant a chance to view (keep in mind, I live in Lewisville. We're talking a five-six-seven hour drive). This point I cannot stress enough. Appreciate the effort of indie filmmakers and their contributions. These genius minds strive to support traditional methods of filmmaking by removing audience expectations like ridiculous explosions or unnecessary action. Instead, they focus on plot developments, character building, and a thoroughly satisfying denouement. Intrigue behind these films becomes almost instant. Words can be spoken in whisper, yet news of these cinematic art pieces will sneak out into the public. 


UPDATE: Only two theatres in the Dallas/Ft Worth area have showings. Cinemark in Plano and the Angelika Theatre in Dallas. This is like The Artist all over again. Damn you, limited release films!!!!!!!!! You draw me in, yet don't let me see you!!!!!!! If a theatre nearby has showings, don't pass this up. Don't ignore my pleas. And certainly, don't spoil the film until I've seen it. 


In other news, Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows will fall into my hands very soon. We'll see how the master detective fairs on blu-ray/digital download. Alternate scenes would be interesting. 


Thus ends a film nut's discussion. 


An empty glass.


A vacant space.


An empty glass.


Number nine- Turn your favorite film into a novel adaptation or vice versa. Go nuts with the ideas. 


Jonesy signing off.