Arrest Your Development

I definitely had one hell of an introverted up-bringing. How else have I missed out on numerous TV series? Most are either sleeping with the dodos or chalking up yet another season. Granted, I caught up on How I Met Your Mother, but damn.....that's all. 


I'm only on season four of The Big Bang Theory and the tail-end of Arrested Development's first season which aired back in 2003! Let's see, what was I doing back in '03? NOTHING! Probably watching CSI repeats. What have I not watched. Here's a list to discredit my opinion:


Community
30 Rock
Parks and Recreation
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Most of Arrested Development
House 
Dr. Who
Warehouse 13
Game of Thrones (and probably never will)
True Blood (again, probably never will)
The Last two seasons of The Big Bang Theory
And probably several others that I can't think of or aren't important enough


My pointless point is for an opinionated social media blogger, I've not a large amount of knowledge for quite a substantial field, yet attempt to fall somewhere on the same page as those who've nestled close to their TVs. 


Moving away from self-pity, I had the opportunity to view Men in Black III the previous evening. Welcome back, Mr. Smith. Please, please, please, keep up appearances. Martin Lawrence, Eddie Murphy, and Tyler Perry really can't measure up to your skills. I mean, come on. Look at the three's last few films: a continuation upon a series regarding a cross-dressing detective, a failed comedy involving something about a thousand words, and another attempt at the cross-dressing, multiple-characters-played-by-the-same-actor scheme. Where have I seen that before? Oh, right. The Nutty Professor and Big Momma's House which, coincidentally, involve two of the aforementioned actors! What's the meaning? An homage to Greek theatre where men play women's roles? Taking the "drag queen" idea a bit too far? I pray for the first. That would, at least, make some shred of sense. 


Snow White and the Huntsman debuts Friday. I, for one, am completely thrilled for this rendition. Can Kristen Stewart wipe clean her slate and escape the woes of terrible writing? Honestly, I hope yes. Her acting in Adventureland, co-starring Jesse Eisenberg and Ryan Reynolds, was perfectly acceptable. While Snow White poses an entirely different role, she has the potential to move beyond sparkling vampires. Who knows? Maybe the Twilight curse will fade for all. Robert Pattinson surely has with his role in Water for Elephants. As for Taylor Lautner, give up, buddy. Abduction's action environment just isn't your style. 


Well, third storm for today's coming in full force. Lightning, thunder, the whole show. Texas weather never ceases to annoy/aggravate. I might just move to Siberia and freeze to death. Certainly out-performs roasting a slow, painful, agonizing, and undeserved demise. Damn you, meteorology and your warm weather patterns! I want snow in September. I want to be locked in and have to dig my way through snow just to get out of the house! 


What can you DO with a BA in English? #302- Hold a tea-party similar to the Mad Hatter's whilst reciting Lewis Carrol's brilliantly scribed jibberish. 


Au revoir, mes amis.....

Frequency

There seems to be a lack of frequency developing between posts. Could this mean my days as a blogger are short-lived? Perhaps my bustling social life prevents entries from appearing? Or, could reason lead me to believe I have better activities to consume time than maintaining a presence on the interwebs? Whatever the reason, this blog had the intention of daily rather than once-in-a-blue-moon as you've seen. 


Have you ever taken a look into the near future and seen only a bleak hope for success? That feeling came about earlier this week when I viewed the syllabus for a certain Classical literature course. Greek tragedies/philosophies, eight books, eight short essays, and one damned term paper over the course of a month. Indeed, 4 June-6 July cannot be done with fast enough. My mental faculties might as well surrender now to Plato, Aeschylus, Heroclitus, Epictetus, Epicurus, and.....oh, hell, you get the idea. Several Greek authors/philosophers will be invading my mind, en masse, without mercy and no quarter shall be given on their end. Why?


Because they've f*cking established their intellectual dominance via prominent outlooks on life, politics, education, and so on until Rapture. While I've always wanted to read works written by these individuals, I never thought the amount would out-weigh the time-frame. Two-three books in a week for a month. That's what I'm looking at. 


Be gentle, Euripides. My infant mind remains unworthy of absorbing such knowledge. 


With my plea for mercy complete, we'll go ahead and wrap things up for tonight while always remembering that crucial query what DO you do with a BA in English? Try out #7- Hold a discussion with your family, friends, co-workers, or total strangers over the terribly confounding knowledge of classical authors versus those of today while, at the same time, conduct a scientific/social/psychological experiment on who punches you in the face first in order for you to shut the hell up and get off the damn soap-box. 


Watch the result be your family. Post the results below. 


Until then, bookworms! Jonesy signing off. 

To Be.....or Not to Be....

....actually refers to suicide. Hamlet's soliloquy remains one of the most famous scenes in literary history. Spoken in Act III, Scene I, we're given insight into Hamlet and his obvious madness. Shakespeare became notorious for encrypting his plays with riddles and hidden/double meanings. I've always been fascinated by this scene, yet neglected to compose my paper over it during last semester. Instead, I opted to explain the manipulative influences Hamlet's father and Claudius had over their respective targets (Hamlet and Laertes). This leads to my other half of a BA in English: what you should NOT do with a BA in English. 


#1: NEVER write a Shakespeare paper in one sitting. Honestly, you'll go bloody nuts. 


Anyway, back to Hamlet. Let's look at that bit for a second: 


To be, or not to be, that is the question:
Whether 'tis Nobler in the mind to suffer
The Slings and Arrows of outrageous Fortune,
Or to take Arms against a Sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them: to die, to sleep
No more; and by a sleep, to say we end
The heart-ache, and the thousand Natural shocks
That Flesh is heir to? 'Tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wished. To die to sleep,
To sleep, perchance to Dream; Ay, there's the rub,
For in that sleep of death, what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause. There's the respect
That makes Calamity of so long life:
For who would bear the Whips and Scorns of time,
The Oppressor's wrong, the proud man's Contumely,
The pangs of despised Love, the Law’s delay,
The insolence of Office, and the Spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his Quietus make
With a bare Bodkin? Who would Fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscovered Country, from whose bourn
No Traveller returns, Puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have,
Than fly to others that we know not of.
Thus Conscience does make Cowards of us all,
And thus the Native hue of Resolution
Is sicklied o'er, with the pale cast of Thought,
And enterprises of great pitch and moment,
With this regard their Currents turn awry,
And lose the name of Action. Soft you now,
The fair Ophelia? Nymph, in thy Orisons
Be all my sins remembered.




I said look, not discuss. What is this? My professor's class? You probably come here for pithy dialogue with enough wit to make it through most entries. Entertainment, not education. Well, Shakespeare can, indeed, be entertaining. 


Never has my knowledge of Shakespeare been anything above rudimentary, but I like to consider myself an amateur. We'll just discuss a segment of this passage in order to convey the message I earlier stated. 


"To be, or not to be" refers to life or death without much debate. Hamlet forces himself to think of suffering the hands of fate as he already has or "by opposing means end them". These arms resemble man's ability to take one's life against the woes or "Sea of Troubles" such as grief, death, love, etc. 


"To die, to sleep no more" connects with the previous lines in a sense that death concludes a need for sleep and the inevitable finish one faces. Perhaps "for in that sleep of death" Hamlet's madness finally resolves. In these dreams to come for him or any person (paraphrase, what up), that longed-for respite from death arrives. That line "what dreams may come" appears again in Vincent Wards' film What Dreams May Come starring Robin Williams and Cuba Gooding Jr. 


What, pray tell, does this movie detail? Life, death, grief. Everything present within Hamlet's own misery. By sleep, these dreams grant those willing a chance to escape "the Slings and Arrows of Outrageous Fortune" and live beyond death. 


Notice that phrase" shuffle off this mortal coil"? Heard it before whether in Hamlet or everyday life. In this instance, debate can surface to if he means purposely leave mortality or by natural causes. 


Have a thought on this the next time you come across Shakespeare and his other plays. Many Shakespearean themes find homes elsewhere in his works. Most notable are deposition, ghosts, murder, and deception. 


Speaking of murder and ghosts, The Woman in Black is out on Blu-ray/DVD. Pick it up for a an eerie trip down traditional gothic suspense thrillers. Starring Daniel Radcliffe of Harry Potter fame, this film offers more than run-of-the-mill shockers most horror flicks dish out today. Stay on the edge of your seat and hold on tight. 


That's all I've got for a three-day lack of posting. How about we drop the curtain on another optimistic approach on what you can DO with a BA in English: #59- Star in a Broadway rendition of The Merchant of Venice and see if you can beat out Al Pacino's adaptation of Shylock. He's good. I'll give him that. 

The Day Time Stopped...

...until I noticed my Batman clock's batteries were dead. My fears quickly came to a rapid halt upon this realization that I was, indeed, NOT late for work. Few updates: 


1) Comic Con 2012+long-ass line+Texas humidity-social circle-sense of patience= no convention for me


2) Max Payne 3 has been completed


3) Alien: Colonial Marines finally has a release date of 12 February 2013


4) June nears the horizon with Snow White and the Huntsman on the first, Prometheus on the eighth, and Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter on the twenty-second just to name three heavy-hitters


5) A new Spiderman series dubbed Spidermen hits shelves sometime in June


6) I still maintain zero desire to read the comics stock-piled in my room


Now, let's elaborate on those topics. Comic conventions, for anyone who has ever attended one, are insane. The lines to purchase tickets alone baffled my obviously primitive nerd classification. Yes, I missed out. Yes, I will plan better next time. No, I don't regret missing out on possibly meeting the nerd woman of my dreams. Once I witness the ridiculous line for the convention, I turned heels and went home. This, in no way, was a sign for continued disappointment. Bought Chronicle on blu ray with the lost footage and I must say, still as great a film the second time around. Recommendation: the smiley emoticon. 


After waiting over a decade for the conclusion of a beloved series, Max Payne has met an interesting (though not what I thought) end. Remedy and Rockstar shared an idea over the course of the series' history. I can still distinctly recall purchasing the first game years ago using a mall gift certificate. Bullet-Time thoroughly revolutionized action gameplay. I fought my way through the frustrations of each game while enjoying each second. Much like Harry Potter and Toy Story, here's another series of my childhood/adolescence coming to an end. 


Speaking of sagas, the much-deserved saving grace to Ridley Scott's genius science-fiction series arrives early next year. That's right, boys and girls. Strap on your space boots and stay frosty. Alien: Colonial Marines finally earned a release date. The original Alien vs Predator games were astounding. Never was there a more satisfying moment than playing as the Predator or tearing through xenomorphs with the pulse rifle or smart gun. Sans the playability as the alien or predator, Colonial Marines tosses players back onto the Sulaco sixteen years after Ripley's supposed death. Fans of Cameron's addition will recognize iconic scenes from the film like coming across Bishop's lower, android half or the power loaders used to dispatch the bitch of a queen. Those willing to dish out the cash can expect one hell of a limited addition detailed below: 

Yeah, that's totally mine. Keep in mind, since the release is still a ways out, all of this awesome sauce is subject to change. However, judging by the clout this edition's carrying, I highly doubt change to occur. Think I'll stick that sucker next to my Alduin statue. 

Limited editions don't stop there, either. Nearly every game coming this holiday season will be packing one, if not two, different editions available for purchase. Borderlands 2 had theirs announced last week by Gearbox and 2K. True, bad-ass fans will be rewarded with a scaled replica of the crimson weapons loot chest along with a Marcus Kincaid bobble head and various other baubles. 

Yes, I understand. Why drop $150 on all of this? I'll tell you.......alright, never mind. I don't have a justifiable reason other than LOOK AT IT!!!!! That is all. 

Those are just TWO, mind you, of the severely coveted collector's editions releasing this Fall. We still have Assassin's Creed III and Halo 4. Ubisoft and 343 Studios are almost required to appease consumers with nothing short of epic epicness. 

June definitely has a promising line-up with the above films mentioned. Kristen Stewart might actually pick up where she left off before the Twilight series with screenwriters producing decent scripts. I, for one, will be biting at the bit for this take on Snow White. As for Prometheus and Vampire Hunter, I think they speak for themselves. 

Don't know much about the new web-crawler series other than it's coming in June and I saw it on the back of a free comic book from Free Comic Book Day. Might be interesting. 

Therefore, and without any ado, I bid you all a temporary fare thee well and leave you with one of those rules for what you can DO with a BA in English: #40- When you're pissed at someone or they've poked fun, just remember. You have a BA in English. Do what Paul Bettany said in his character of Geoffrey Chaucer. "I will eviscerate you in fiction...I was naked for a day; you will be naked for eternity". Neat twist on the "get even" scheme. 

Bon chance, mes amis! 

The Three-Day Melancholy

Years have fallen away since days of taking things easy, so to speak. The real world remains yet another mystery to a mind supposedly adept at adapting to change. Irony reveals a rather formidable predicament as to how can this mind adapt without change present? Routine, instead of change, settled into a lifestyle unwanted by most individuals. In whose desires finds comfort in a menial, monotonous positions? Homo Sapien evolved from a nomadic species. Our natural instinct drives ambition through the proverbial roof of the now-standard form of living. 


When ambition cannot be met, when this natural want for more becomes dormant, talented minds wither away in front of computer monitors, cash registers, and endless shelves of product. This wonderful American society condones mediocrity. Centuries before the twenty-first adored passionate individuals who sought to liberate lost souls from certain horrors and indecencies. These writers, poets, laureates, teachers, professors, scholars, and enthusiasts brought a new light at the end of the tunnel. This shred of hope amidst war's brutal darkness allowed a continued path for escapism. 


We rise, we fall. Rinse and repeat. Stare blankly at the three-day melancholy until the dreaded routine rears again. Speak against traditional woes encountered by those who settle for less than what they're meant to accomplish. Fashion your dreams, believe your dreams, and never let go. Find what calling you're destined to achieve. Find someone to share the adventure. Just don't rinse and repeat. 


Just live and enjoy another addition to things you can DO with a BA in English: #398- Read aloud Shakespeare's Sonnet Eighteen to a random member of the opposite sex (male-female; female-male) and await their reaction. If they understand, marry them immediately. If not, better luck next time. 


Jonesy signing off in the early AM. 

I Don't Always Drink Beer......

....but when I do.....I prefer Dos Equis. While Shiner is my definitive "last word" on draught beer, nothing beats an ice-cold, imported cerveza with a lime wedge. Beer fell deaf to my ears throughout childhood and adolescence. The dawning of my twenties finally introduced my palate to the endless pint glass of imports, domestics, specialties, porters, lagers, ales, lights, darks, low-calories, and seasonals. A recent test certified thirty-seven of the world's established beers had passed/impaired my judgment. 


Simply put: I love beer. However, it must be served cold and in a glass directly from the tap. No bottle, no can. Just tap. I've done mixed drinks, shots, cocktails, birthday surprises containing a dangerous combination of energy drink and fine spirits. Inebriation has, more than enough, taken hold of my established cognitive reasoning skills and rendered them null. People have seen me drunk and can testify to my limits. I'm built of a somewhat stocky physique; therefore, my tolerance can go decently beyond that of an average sized individual. The Irish/German ancestry serves as an added bonus. 


I've sent text messages to burned bridges, stumbled over myself, lied down on the middle of a street in Denton, clumsily danced with a friend, chatted up waitresses on my birthday, and still remember everything that occurred. While mental faculties may be impaired temporarily, one good old molecular compound always comes in to save the day: H2O. 

WATER!!!!!!!!!!

Remember for every alcoholic drink, take down one glass of water.  Don't argue. Just do it. Eat heavy foods before drinking. Let the chicken sandwich from Wendy's soak up that booze. Let it drink the Jack Daniel's instead. Never toss alcohol into a freezer for more than a week unless you want frozen Danish vodka. And NEVER eat after you've gone all "party-hardy". 

In other unrelated notes, the Dallas Comic Con will be held this weekend. I will try my humble best to reenact Jason Lee's scene in Mallrats when T.S. tells Stan Lee to have a "heart-to-heart" with Brodie about relationships. 

Let's wrap things up with another consideration of what DO you do with a BA in English? Think about #500: Attempt to literally understand Thomas Stearns Stearns Eliot's The Wasteland or Lewis Carrol's The Adventures of Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass, then compose a three-hundred page essay on the possible inclusion of hallucinogenic drugs as a viable source of inspiration. 

Think about it for a hot second. Coleridge was an opiate addict. How else do you think he wrote Kubla Khan?

Jonesy signing off. 

DOUBLE POST POWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I honestly cannot recall the events of yesterday. Events to believe had transpired included going nowhere near my car keys. This, of course, led to a lethargic day with sloth aforethought. Despite the fact that most of season three of The Big Bang Theory consisted of episodes previously viewed on TBS as re-runs, I lived up to my manager's predictions of laughing my ass off. The over-all result prevented a well-thought post that I'm most certainly sure this vast audience would have thoroughly enjoyed. I digress, partially because it's time to get this post on and stop with a self-inflicted pity-party. 


Battleship hits theatres tomorrow. My childhood and early teens consisted of losing to my brother as well as the computer-generated opponent on the hand-held system. In honor of those memories, I shall be in attendance of the early-bird show for what I'm sure will be an enjoyable thrill-ride down memory lane. 


In the words of Sheldon Cooper, Ph.D........

BAZINGA!

Saw that coming, right? You're a highly intelligent member of society, so of course you did. Battleship could not possibly entice me to raise from the comforts of my bed let alone couch; therefore, this...as much as it pains me to say, "film", will not receive the slightest amount of my patronage. Perhaps when I find the travesty floating amidst the several hundred channels on Fios will the adaptation be viewed. Until then, I'll wait until June's competent film line-up followed by July's. May began with The Avengers and ended with Dark Shadows. As far as I'm concerned, there's nothing else to view (apologies to independent filmmakers whose films do not receive enough attention nor credit). 

Burned through the first chapter of Max Payne 3 yesterday. Rockstar's flashback to Max in his natural, gritty, noir scene in Hoboken brought warm and fuzzy feelings to my heart. I felt right at home with snow on the ground, the moon blotted out by dark clouds, and the flashing of multiple barrels giving light to my surroundings. Unfortunately, this is just a flashback placing a shaven, melancholic Max in a New Jersey bar where he rightfully belongs. Sao Paulo's favelas doesn't give me the traditional "noir" sense. While a change in setting may give the story a drastic shift, true fans of the series will find transitioning somewhat difficult. As said before, this honestly does not pull me away from any part of the game. I've been a firm advocate for Remedy's original creation and constant fan of James MccAffrey's voice acting since the first game. Rockstar also gives a new twist on the "graphic novel" design of the series' cut scenes. Rather than maintain the static appearance, thus truly providing a comic book appeal, developers opted for a "motion-comic" design which incorporates both aspects. Loading scenes harken back to the novel design, recapping previous events you have accomplished. 

I'm finishing the game come Hell or high water. This has been one truly captivating adventure eleven years in the making. Whether Max literally bites the bullet this time or comes to terms with reality, I won't have the slightest issue when reaching the end. In relation to the JCRS, I award Max's saga (so far) a respectable eight and half out of ten. My final remarks on the game will come in the near future. 

Jonesy signing off with yet another healthy dose of what DO you do with a BA in English? Let's go with #8: Amass a remarkable collection of novels, then stack them like Jenga blocks and see who loses first (note: loser must read ALL books that fall over). 

The Computer Screen Conundrum

Your literature paper possesses mere hours left until the deadline. Hands trembling, head spinning, and a blank computer screen. This.........is the Computer Screen Conundrum. 


Students and authors, at one time, held pen and paper in hand for literary compositions. Technology evolved to the type-writer and now the infernal personal computing device. Microsoft Word's nefarious stark white screen stares mockingly, accusing you of accursed procrastination. In-depth research and studies have been completed for preparation, yet nothing spills onto the proverbial literary canvas. 


Many a times have I fallen woefully ill to this repetitive pseudo-disease. How, exactly, do I find the will necessary to overcome such a dreaded adversary? The answer is quite simple:


I turn my attention to Max Payne 3.


Indeed, the raw review as promised. Max's misadventures pick up nine years after the events of his second installment. We find the troubled soul in Sao Paulo, Brazil dragged into protection detail by an old friend from the NYPD. Don't get overly fond of the New York-style film noir feel of the previous games. Max's transition from gritty apartments to even grittier favelas definitely includes a vast difference in color scheme. One thing I've found out, though: 

I MISS THAT!

Personal opinion aside, Rockstar has delivered on every established point. From Bullet-Time to James MccAffrey, it's a welcome return to a beloved character. I welcome you back, old friend and can't wait to be as drunk as you have been. 

As for the limited edition, I don't regret my purchase. The ten inch statue of Max now rests by my bedside while the bullet keychain remains firmly attached to my Ghostbusters keychain and Captain America. Along with those two pieces of swag, Rockstar includes downloadable content for multiplayer, the soundtrack, AND four lithographs that will remain a secret (Hint: buy the damn limited edition). 


Now, what the hell DO you do with a BA in English? #82: Constantly point out/correct double-negatives to annoy the hell out of coworkers. 


Until next time, Jonesy signing off. 

Holy Happy Ending, Batman!

So, if the recent entries have imparted anything thus far, it is that How I Met Your Mother rests at #1 as my top series next to The Big Bang Theory. I spent the whole of last summer (after summer semester) catching up on the previous six seasons. The past season had a fair share of disappointments (Lily and Marshall moving out to Long Island. I mean, seriously? Little boring) as well as surprises (Victoria's brief return). 

For those caught up on the series (including seven), I'm sure we shared the common reaction at the end of the finale. Ted, predictable as he remains, made the decision we pretty much had figured. Barney's mystery bride, well.........might I say legen-wait for it........

Monday night's will now be rendered a barren wasteland. Summer's limited freedom might just allow time for my catching up on seasons 3-5 of TBBT. Another decent filler (coming out at midnight) includes an old noir tale eleven years in the making. Any guesses???? No? Well, I tried. 

Max Payne 3 arrives on shelves in about three and half hours. This gritty, dark narrative finally concludes in a fashion fitting for a truly troubled character. I shall be there alongside you, Max! About as drunk as you've been throughout the past decade. 

I will do my humble best in the video review department as my resources don't come nearly as close to IGN, Game Informer, or Gamespot. Consider this blog in its young infancy. Give it time, give me time, and we'll all be riding into the sunset like Ted and a familiar face (spoiler-free, you're welcome). 

As this is a short post tonight, allow me to end with -dary! 

LEGENDARY!

Jonesy......signing off with one more thing that you DO you do with a BA in English. #17: Sing a song about what DO you do with a BA in English. Thanks, Avenue Q! 

Nerds of the World.....assemble!

Ah, summer. Three glorious months which, to a child, compares to the end of a brutal mathematical, scientific, historical, and grammatical war. Pool parties, no homework, vacation time: Heaven. Transitioning into adulthood brings untold miseries entirely shrouded by parents to their innocent children. 


Work. May-mesters. Summer school. Makes for Sad Panda. 

Despite my undying wish to break out in synchronized dancing accompanied by the flawless tenor voice I've long since dreamed of, all three above mentioned miseries await in the weeks ahead. (Mental note: Add "learn synchronized dance to Bucket List) As this needless depression subsides, let's move onto more intriguing matters. 

#1: Chronicle finally hits blu-ray/DVD on Tuesday, 15 May. For those unaware of this incredible "found-footage" film, the story centers around three high-school students who encounter a mysterious meteor-like object and are bestowed with super-human abilities. I won't go further in fear of spoilers, but this definitely elevates to a must-have for any sci-fi junkie. Chronicle will also be the very first film in history to receive the patent-pending Jonesy's Couch Rating System (JCRS). 

An explanation: Many a times, I've found myself wondering "When the hell should I see this and why?" The system breaks into four quarters and are as follows:

#2: Jonesy's Couch Rating System

0-25%: This might be a direct-to-TV movie or one that failed in a spectacular fashion, but not in a good way. When wondering whether or not to see this film, strongly consider if getting off the couch would be worth your time. If not, then the film receives a "F*ck It. I'll stay on the couch" rating. Notable examples include Jonah Hex, Final Destination V, Jack and Jill, and Twilight (the entire saga). 

26-50%: These films require a slight bit more consideration. Listen only to your judgment rather than that of friends. A majority of films belonging to this category still failed to thoroughly impress critics, but may serve as something to blow off time or just chill. When wondering whether or not to see this film, think for a considerable moment, then get off the couch or remain in the "F*ck It. I'll stay on the couch" feeling. This section is called the "Well......maybe" rating. Notable inclusions are Legion, The Covenant, Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, and Clash of the Titans.

51-74%: These films can be a complete toss-up between "damn" and "hot damn". In order to view films in this section, you must absolutely be determined to sit through the film's entirety and reap the rewards/consequences. Critics often regard the film as just shy of cinematic nirvana, yet decent enough for view. Writers and directors don't/do necessarily take necessary risks for the film to truly shine. When wondering to see this film, weigh your options, then grab the keys and roll out. Rarely are viewers disappointed with movies falling in this section. I pronounce this quarter the "Yeah, I'll get off the couch for this" rating. Films that demonstrate these ideas are Scott Pilgrim vs the World, The Losers, Patch Adams, and Australia.

75-100%: Sheer perfection. Films resting shiny in this quarter blow inferior amateur motion pictures away like a massive C4 detonation. Scholars step in at this point to deliver an educated view upon content within given selections. All films under this section exemplify cinematic qualities established around the early twentieth-century and offer memorable and educational material. Doubt washes out before consideration comes to light. Individuals know these films to be truly great after repeated views of trailers. Reactions during any film often involve heavy applause, laughter-induced tears, extreme coughing fits due to laughter, and standing ovations. This quarter earns the "Hells yeah, I'm getting my ass off the couch to see the midnight launch!" rating. Exemplary films are Vertigo, Rebel Without a Cause, It's A Wonderful Life, Chronicle, The Dark Knight, The Avengers, What Dreams May Come, Memento, Inglourious Basterds, The Artist, Midnight in Paris, Hugo, The Adventures of Tintin, War Horse, and Jurassic Park. 

I will admit, the last quarter's films are the only I consider paying $10/ticket. So, next time you're in a bunch deciding why you should go to the movies, consider this system. 

#3: The Avengers continues an unstoppable box office lead to no surprise. Joss Whedon may just be sitting pretty with a dominating hold on summer blockbusters. No objections there. 

#4-5: 19-20 May brings Comic Con to Irving, Texas for its tenth year. I'll be in attendance at least on Saturday, possibly Sunday with coverage of the event. Mark your calenders for Geek Pride Day on 25 May and get your GPD button on ThinkGeek (listed at the bottom of the page) to celebrate your inner geek! 

#6: How I Met Your Mother Season Seven concludes Monday night, 14 May, with an hour long finale. Barney's mystery bride revealed, Lily and Marshall welcome their first-born, and Ted will most likely break out the "Team Baby" shirts again. 

Stay tuned for HIMYM's review and the unboxing of Max Payne 3's Limited Edition. 

And remember! You CAN do something with a BA in English like #419: Construct a fort out of rare, first edition novels! 

Another Post?!?! Sure, I love reading my own writing!

With yet another twentieth-century television series receiving the silver screen treatment, audiences of today's generation are witness to what might now be considered relics. I speak of Tim Burton's rather Gothic take on Dark Shadows originally written by Dan Curtis. 


From what I've heard of the series, Burton's iteration falls way the hell away from the tree. This doesn't come to the conclusion a film must always be terrible. Quite the contrary, the fams and I enjoyed this dark comedy with hilarity sprinkled throughout well enough to lighten Burton's typical "I really want some razor blades and lemon juice" depressive feeling. 


Speaking of Tim Burton and related vampiric lore, Seth Grahame-Smith's novel Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter will be due out toward the end of June. I bring this up for a particular point. Dark Shadows involved Grahame-Smith with the task of screenplay composition. His vampiric elements present in Vampire Hunter are reflect with Johnny Depp's Barnabas Collins. He manages daylight, but with the restrictions of wearing dark glasses and carrying a black parasol (umbrella) to shield his now-sensitive skin. Vampires of Grahame-Smith's creation are forced to do identical actions. This offers a sort of "preview of coming attractions" which I believe he intended (or at least I hope he did). 


All-in-all, I applaud those involved with Dark Shadows. While the critics disapproved for the majority, they can keep their pretentious mouths shut while I take a stab (pun? See what I did there? Stab? Because you have to...yeah, too far). 


Anyway, if you haven't already, make time to catch Dark Shadows and Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter when it hits theatres 22 June 2012. A full-length review and comparison with the book will arrive shortly thereafter. 


As an added treat, here are both trailers for the above mentioned films. Enjoy and stay tuned! 




Dark Shadows: 

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter- Trailer #2

Oh, and what exactly DO you do with a BA in English? #81: Read Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter because it relates to this post and is actually a highly charged retelling of our nation's beloved stove-top hat wearing "Honest Abe". 

Two Posts in One Day?!?! Oh, Snap!

I believe, at this early point in my blogging history, no one is currently following the material, but should I be concerned about that entirely? 


Hells no.


Besides that randomly inserted point, I recently had the pleasure of taking a Nineteenth-century music class at UNT. You know:  Beethoven, Schubert, Schumann, Rossini, Verdi, Brahms, Bruckner, Wagner, Paganini, Mendelssohn, Liszt, Debussy, Strauss, Tchaikovsky, Mussorgsky and the rest of the "Mighty Five", and so on. Now that you're (most likely) relatively confused and/or thrown off the sense wagon, allow me to explain what has just been established as a mental explosion onto a digital interface. 


Nineteenth-century music contained primarily symphonic compositions performed often by orchestras or (drum-roll, please) a symphony which included brass and woodwind instruments. One such composer who you might know well, Ludwig von Beethoven, began this heavy symphonic tradition followed by pretty much damn near EVERY other composer after him. If you've seen The King's Speech, then you're sure to recognize this little number: 


Beethoven's Symphony No. 7

Honestly, I cannot count on my hands and toes the number of times I've listened to this piece. Of his compositions, the Seventh has a special place in my heart next to Shepherd Book's oh-so-special line from Our Mrs. Reynolds. 


Unfortunately, my instructor was correct saying this music performed by now-dead composers for now-dead audiences (kind of morose, right?)falls deaf to most modern ears. My lamentations aside, don't forget the might of the symphony and don't forget what you CAN do with a BA in English despite literature having nothing at all to do with this post. 


#2: There is a spoon....and you use it for Cheerios. Also, Cheerios help lower cholesterol and better reading habits (maybe, just consult your dietician and literary professor). 

Stop! It's Blogger Time!

Literature. Mankind's second-most developed vehicle in which records and stories are passed to the following generation. Closely behind spoken-word, the transcription of words onto various materials has allowed homo sapien a continued edge over any other species currently in existence. Scribes, authors, journalists, and now bloggers utilize one of our most precious gifts to deliver current information to the general masses. Why, may I ask, do we place such a heavy emphasis upon this established tradition? The historical preservation of historical events? Entertaining audiences through interesting fictional accounts? 

We write simply because it is our duty. 

Enough of the boring, intellectual scheme. Isn't that how you feel above? Sitting in a class listening to some monotone instructor deliver what they believe to be definitively important. While, yes, I strongly advocate for the preservation and support of the literary arts, in no way in hell am I going to attempt entertaining those reading with a lack-luster symposium on literature's history. 

This is my addition to a global community of bloggers. Individuals with an input on popular culture. I read, study, write, analyze, discuss, live, breath, obey, and enjoy literature in various iterations. Therefore, let me express my sincerest welcome to (what I hope will be) a collection of not just criticism on literature, but entertainment media as a whole: video games, movies, shows, comics, web series, and whatever the f*ck else comes around the corner. 

Oh, and what exactly DO you do with a BA in English?

#203: Sacrifice a copy of Absalom! Absalom! to appease the spirit of William Faulkner (and to rid the world of one less copy of jumbled gibberish). 

Stay tuned for video blogs and the unboxing of the Max Payne 3 collector's edition!!!!!!