I Don't Always Drink Beer......

....but when I do.....I prefer Dos Equis. While Shiner is my definitive "last word" on draught beer, nothing beats an ice-cold, imported cerveza with a lime wedge. Beer fell deaf to my ears throughout childhood and adolescence. The dawning of my twenties finally introduced my palate to the endless pint glass of imports, domestics, specialties, porters, lagers, ales, lights, darks, low-calories, and seasonals. A recent test certified thirty-seven of the world's established beers had passed/impaired my judgment. 


Simply put: I love beer. However, it must be served cold and in a glass directly from the tap. No bottle, no can. Just tap. I've done mixed drinks, shots, cocktails, birthday surprises containing a dangerous combination of energy drink and fine spirits. Inebriation has, more than enough, taken hold of my established cognitive reasoning skills and rendered them null. People have seen me drunk and can testify to my limits. I'm built of a somewhat stocky physique; therefore, my tolerance can go decently beyond that of an average sized individual. The Irish/German ancestry serves as an added bonus. 


I've sent text messages to burned bridges, stumbled over myself, lied down on the middle of a street in Denton, clumsily danced with a friend, chatted up waitresses on my birthday, and still remember everything that occurred. While mental faculties may be impaired temporarily, one good old molecular compound always comes in to save the day: H2O. 

WATER!!!!!!!!!!

Remember for every alcoholic drink, take down one glass of water.  Don't argue. Just do it. Eat heavy foods before drinking. Let the chicken sandwich from Wendy's soak up that booze. Let it drink the Jack Daniel's instead. Never toss alcohol into a freezer for more than a week unless you want frozen Danish vodka. And NEVER eat after you've gone all "party-hardy". 

In other unrelated notes, the Dallas Comic Con will be held this weekend. I will try my humble best to reenact Jason Lee's scene in Mallrats when T.S. tells Stan Lee to have a "heart-to-heart" with Brodie about relationships. 

Let's wrap things up with another consideration of what DO you do with a BA in English? Think about #500: Attempt to literally understand Thomas Stearns Stearns Eliot's The Wasteland or Lewis Carrol's The Adventures of Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass, then compose a three-hundred page essay on the possible inclusion of hallucinogenic drugs as a viable source of inspiration. 

Think about it for a hot second. Coleridge was an opiate addict. How else do you think he wrote Kubla Khan?

Jonesy signing off.