10 August 2013

Welcome to Elysium

I'll kick this review off with the following statement: the only possible way of fully reviewing Elysium would be to see it once again. I had zero doubts this film would be incredible. District 9 cemented both Neill Blomkamp's directorial ability as well as Sharlto Copley's acting. As incredible work they did in 2009, they come back four years later with a summer bombshell. Elysium's release finally puts a contender up against Pacific Rim for my top summer movie. Granted, we still have a few more hitters until the cinema runs dry, but as of right now I have no regrets going to the theatre this season. I will go ahead with my good graces being bestowed upon Elysium, and then get right into the mix of the review. If you love science-fiction, robotic police, and exo-skeleton action-y goodness....look no further. 


You've found Elysium.


The main story takes place in the mid-22nd century Los Angeles (2154, to be exact) with protagonist Max de Costa (Matt Damon) living his life as everyone else does on Earth: impoverished, dirty conditions, unsafe and underpaid employment. In other words: miserable. We're given flashbacks to explain Max's upbringing as an orphan being raised in a convent. This is the first interest point. On Earth, in L.A., Spanish is almost a primary language with little English sprinkled throughout. They switch back and forth during the movie, but moreso Spanish in the flashbacks. Elysium, a giant Halo-esque space station, was created for the super rich and powerful in order to preserve their way of living. No disease, no war, crime, or poverty. Oh, you have leukemia? Step on over to the med bay and have it erased. Literally erased from your cellular structure. Cancerous cells be gone! Now, while Spanish is near-dominant back on Earth, French is the customary language on Elysium. This makes perfect sense. While both languages stem from the romantic spectrum, they're entirely different as far as sophistication goes. French is smoother almost like speaking with a velvet tongue while Spanish is more along the lines of (forgive my Whovian side) "Bingle-bongle, dingle-dangle. Lickity-doo, lickity-da. Ping-pong, libby-tubby-tootah". 

In a nutshell without spoiling the film, Max gets into some serious danger-zone action and has the overwhelming desire to float up to Elysium for a spell. Damon's pretty decent in this role. His dialogue isn't short of consecutive f-bombs which works perfectly fine for his ex-con character. He makes Max believable as the loose-cannon, will-do-anything-to-survive type of guy. Fair warning: the scene in which the exo-skeleton is grafted to his body may be a bit cringe-worthy. From beginning to end, the decisions Max comes to make are sensible to the story's purposes. There's none of the whole "why the f*ck did this happen?" and more of "kind of saw that coming". Elysium works out to be somewhat predictable, but the final scene between Max and Kruger is worth waiting through the first two acts. 

I won't say much on Jodie Foster due to the reason her character was rigid, understandably emotionless, and kind of 'meh'. In another nutshell: Defense Secretary Delacourt (Foster) will do anything to protect Elysium's borders and disagrees with any peaceful sort of diplomacy. She bitches at the powers-that-be until she gets her way. Makes a few bad calls, and then pays for them in the end. 

Now, onto the whole reason I saw this film: Sharlto Copley. This is the guy who took a bumbling, inexperienced-in-the-field bureaucrat and transformed him into the man without anything to lose in District 9. By the end of the film, you know not to f*ck with Wikus van de Merwe. A year later, we find him in a mental ward in Mexico as Howlin' Mad Murdock in 2010's remake of The A-Team. When I first saw the film (as I had never seen the original series), I laughed my ass off at this particular scene: 

I'd fly with him

Sharlto Copley taking on the villain's role in Elysium pretty much put him in the area of actors that can do anything. Good guy, comic relief, psychopath. He's done them all in four years. A feat more and more actors/actresses can do today. Some (such as Michael Cera, Seth Rogen, Adam Sandler) are type-casted into their roles because of a failure to adapt to anything else. Not once in the entirety of Elysium do you get the idea Copley's Kruger was innately "good" at one point. This is the guy who takes shit from no one and dishes it out to everyone. If you cross him, he'll be laughing at your mangled corpse he himself took the pleasure of mutilating. While he's the stereotypical "shoot first, ask later" villain, I could've cared less. Copley's acting and reacting to other characters was seamless. And the final fight scene between Kruger and Max...oh, so satisfying. Not too long, not too short.....and cue the boyish jokes, you immature lot, you. 

If you've seen District 9, then you pretty much already have the aesthetic in mind. Metal surfaces look worn and rusted on Earth while Elysium looks like something out of the Citadel from Mass Effect. The dichotomy between both locations almost paints a picture close to Total Recall (I'm leaning more toward the 2012 remake, aesthetic-wise). The story also comes to a few similarities, but I'll let you make the call yourself. 

I won't ruin Elysium for those of you reading this blog. Blomkamp does it again and I'd be perfectly comfortable with him staying in the director's chair for more movies along his style. As I said earlier, this is the must-see sci-fi sensation of Summer 2013. 

For more things Elysium, get your ass to your local theatre and watch the damn movie. 

I still have my blue robe. Where's yours? 

04 August 2013

TARDIS: Pilot Twelve

I'm behind on a laundry list of items: comics, movie reviews, television, and so on. A sea of entertainment finds me in a perpetual state of drowning. New comic book day rolls around with stacks upon stacks of unread comics to my name. A week passes after a movie releases and still no review. Another television show boots up and, before I know it, five years and four seasons have passed. Alas, someone as far behind as I can still find a way to catch up. 

Similar to Scott Pilgrim and me three years ago, I have one goal with Doctor Who: to get as many people away from tiring bullshit such as True Blood and Game of Thrones and have them watch Doctor Who over and over and over and over and over again until they realize there's another Whoville. I finally know enough on the TARDIS to have had myself glued to the BBC earlier today as they answered that great question once again: Doctor WHO?

If you're like me, then the below won't surprise you. In the event work got you down or a significant other not realizing what an important day today was for Whovians, then you're in for a treat. Without further delay, here he is. The actor we've been wondering for many a months. 



The Twelfth Doctor 
Peter Capaldi in what I hope won't be his permanent outfit 

I kid, I kid, I'm not that daft. The BBC announced at 7PM London time that Peter Capaldi will take over Doctor duties once Matt Smith departs after the Christmas Special later this year. He's been in a few films that people on the other side of the Great Salty Pond might know before us Yanks. You'll notice him as one of the research scientists in World War Z, The Fires of Pompeii (Series 4, DW), and Torchwood. I'm a huge Tennant fan. He's my definitive Doctor without question. Matt Smith has been absolutely fantastic. Karen Gillan and Arthur Darvill helped shape his Eleventh Doctor into a fun and enjoyable experience just as Billie Piper did with Tennant and Eccleston. 

Now we're on the matter of the newest incarnation. Do realize that once Capaldi's Twelfth regenerates into the thirteenth and final, then that's it for the entire series. I only hope they pull at least ten more years. Four with Capaldi plus a year's worth of specials and then the last five with a ginger. 

Choosing his companion will be the next interesting reveal. Whoever they choose, he/she can't be any worse than Donna f*cking Noble. Hearing Catherine Tate's voice makes me want to shove my head in the sand. And, seriously, where the hell are her eyebrows? Creeeeeeeeeepy. 

I downed half a bottle of Nyquill, so I'm fading fast. Friday before last, 26 July, The Wolverine slashed onto the silver screen. Everyone I know gave the film top marks. I'm playing devil's advocate just to say I wanted more old school Wolverine with blood everywhere. I mean gallons and gallons and gallons and gallons--and a pint--of blood. I want to see the Hulk rip Weapon X in half. I want Wolverine to crawl in writhing agony to fetch his lower half five miles away. Yes, it's understandable why this won't happen. A) Twentieth Century Fox sucks at comic book movies B) Repeat of A C) Repeat of A and B D) Mass audience appeal

My answer to that: 



Jamie Foxx makes a damn fine point and that easily applies to Wolverine. Oh, you don't want to be a monster anymore? F*ck you, Logan. You're the walking apocalypse! LIVE UP TO YOUR LEGEND AND BERSERK! BERSERK THE F*CK OUT OF THESE ASSHOLES! Don't just be Stabby McStabberton. Be the guy cigar chomping, whiskey drinking bad-ass that I saw oh-so-briefly in X-Men. 

In regards to The Wolverine, here's my short-and-sweet review: 

Flashback to Nagasaki circa 1945

Atomic bomb goes off

Wolverine saves Japanese dude

Years later, a bear dies 

Japanese dude says "Thanks for saving me"

He has a hot daughter

Wolverine loses mutation

"This shit hurts now"

Bullet train fight scene

"This shit's bleeding now"

Wolverine bangs hot asian chick

"This shit's healing now"

Mutation back

Old Japanese dude is Silver Samurai

Fight scene

Wolverine loses claws

Grows back bone claws

Kills S.S. 

At airport

"Holy shit, Trask Industries, Magneto, and..............PROFESSOR XAVIER!!!!"

My reaction: Meh, post-credit scene was legit. 

Don't get me wrong. I liked The Wolverine in the defense that it was better than X3 and Origins by a hundred miles. I wanted more berserker mode. That's all. I leave the film to your judgment, but say this: fifty cent Tuesday at the Dollar Theatre. 

In video game news, Martian Manhunter went onto the Injustice Hero Roster back on Tuesday. 


He's alright. Not sure on the $4.99 tag, though

I finally downloaded The Walking Dead: 400 Days expansion of which I enjoyed. It's short-and-sweet while still delivering on the tailored-game idea. However, not so much on emotionally attaching you to anyone specific. 

Bioshock: Infinite is finally allowing gamers to cash in on their Season Pass purchase with challenge maps and a bit of content set the night before the Fall of Rapture taking control of both Booker and Elizabeth/Anna (whoever you want to call her). It's a noir-theme with Elizabeth's taking on a more survival-horror aspect. Looks great, sounds even better. Can't wait to play. 

Notice Episode One. Ken Levine promised "more on the way"

I'm starting to feel like Jayne Cobb after Simon doped him on sedatives. Everything's all........bendy. 

Be sure to come on by here again later in the week as we get closer to Elysium's release and Kick Ass 2 a week later. I bow out here or, more specifically, pass out until I realize the computer table isn't a bed.

I have a blue robe while you still don't. What color will yours be?