Zombieland was probably the last greatest zombie flick....nearly four years ago. A movie so incredibly bombastic knew it had concluded its story and well at that end. Woody Harrelson stole the show as Tallahassee with Jesse Eisenberg, Emma Stone, and Abigail Breslin bringing up the sides in their own styles. Even Bill Murray dropped by for a brief moment, but....we all know how that turned out.
Why the f*ck would a TV series based in the same universe need to exist? Same characters, same backstory, same Twinkies. Here's the catch: no Harrelson, Eisenberg, Stone, or Breslin....or Murray (hey, he could be a legit zombie this time). This is where Amazon stepped in to bring a mess of new original series to the masses. As one of them, Zombieland: The Series premiered last month to mostly negative reviews. Hell, fans of the movie were hating on the idea long before Amazon picked it up for debut. A Zombieland without Woody Harrelson chainsawing flesh-eaters? That's like taking Andrea's graphic novel bad-assitude and completely ditching it in the Walking Dead series. Oh, right, they f*cking did. For some unknown reason, the creators of a fan-loved idea find the bright idea to adapt to another media to grasp another audience. What's that? It's the same goddamn audience? Well, no shit. A Zombieland series done right would bring back the original cast and go through the exact same schtick these new jacks did in the pilot. Sorry, Kirk Ward, you're not Woody Harrelson.
I sat with my phone and watched the half-hour pilot. While getting to know a wee bit of Tallahassee pre-undead uprising (even though it was going on right behind them) was a smidgen interesting, I just couldn't understand why. I know his background. He had a son. He lost his son. He went on a zombie-killing f*cking rampage. I'm set. SPOILER: Harrelson definitely could have pulled off Tallahassee's rant inside the factory building or whatever it was more effectively than Ward. More f-bombs, more shit about Twinkies, and more Columbus getting under his skin. However, the Zombie-Kill-of-the-Week was pretty clever and being a native Texan having it set in Ft Worth was schweet. Imagine rolling one of those giant billiard-looking balls you find on gas station signs down a parking garage and laughing as the zombie becomes red mush.
Ultimately, the series wasn't picked up for obvious reasons. Pre-debut fan backlash doesn't really safeguard the life of a TV show. Maybe a Zombieland sequel with the original cast would work, Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick.
My overall score of the Zombieland: The Series pilot- Sit back on the couch, toss the movie in, and enjoy more decorative zombie-killing.
Yes, yes, yes, we're getting closer to Star Trek. How I Met Your Mother finally ended back on Monday and I couldn't be happier. Honestly. Season eight was, in so few words, unbearable. Show creators Carter Bays and Craig Thomas were beating a dead horse with a broken record from episode one back in September. The Autumn of Break-ups, Victoria coming back to Ted, Barney proposing to Robin, Ted still not being over Robin, and annoying uses of fourth-wall jokes. For a show that's never used lame slap-stick, Bays/Thomas lathered the mess all over. This season only had a handful of memorable moments with the only three being Marshall's last bag of skittles, the past/present/future Teds and Barneys cover of Billy Joel's The Longest Time, and the final installment in the Robin Sparkles legacy.
The Bros
Daggers
I can't remember anything more memorable than the above three moments. How I Met Your Mother has been a story of recollection after recollection involving events that are equally great to recall to friends or on Tuesday night trivia at Buffalo Wild Wings. Season eight and, unfortunately, Season nine will go down in the series' history as the weakest segments. I hate admitting that to one of my beloved shows, but come on, they're running out of gas at this point. Something Old, Something New, I don't care anymore! I want the mother. I want the wedding. I want the damn end to the story!
Luckily, we were given one of the requests in the form of the actual Mother with yellow umbrella and bass guitar in tow. Cristin Milioti was revealed as Ted's definitive future wife. As a series regular for the final showdown, she'll be actively engaged with every main character throughout the season leading up to her meet-up with good ol' Schmosby. If you don't believe me take a look.
Scroll to 1:10 if you're too impatient
Indeed miracles can occur. She's real and this mess is finally going down! This was the highlight of Season eight. That yellow umbrella wasn't enough for me. I had to see it all and we finally have. Hot damn and praise Allah! Oh, wait...
Be sure to attend the (ill-fated?) wedding in the ninth and final season of How I Met Your Mother this September. I'll be on board with all of you the entire way.
As for my final say on Season eight...I wash my hands of it with a six of ten.
In the immortal words of Heath Ledger's Joker......and here we.......go. If the above wasn't indication enough, Star Trek: Into Darkness is officially in theatres as of today. Most theatres were showing the film as early as Wednesday which I found quite odd as trailers, posters, and every bit of media detailed a 17 May 2013 launch. But, who cares? I caught the 9:10 show last night, had my Cherry Coke, and full attention glued to the silver screen. How was my dedication rewarded? How will yours? Graciously, I say. Abso-positively-lutely graciously rewarded....wow, far too many -ly endings.
If you haven't already seen the film: SPOILER ALERT!!!!!
Into Darkness drops audiences right into the fray on the planet Nibiru with Kirk and Bones fleeing from an indigenous species. Spock quickly joins the party tasked with neutralizing an active volcano threatening to destroy the natives. Kirk ignores the Prime Directive by saving Spock from almost certain death and, incidentally, reveals the Enterprise to a species that has barely reached primitive assemblage (Pike akins this to the caveman's creation of the wheel).
Kirk faces a chain of bad luck with a demotion to First Officer and Spock reassigned to another vessel. In London, a mysterious figure brings about a terrorist attack against a Starfleet Archives library. We find out this man is John Harrison, an agent of Starfleet. Admiral Pike chastises Kirk for his brash behavior and blatant ignorance of Starfleet policies. Kirk attempts justifying his actions as he's yet to lose anyone under his command. During a meeting with Admiral Alexander Marcus and the rest of Starfleet high command, Pike and several others are killed in an attack by an unknown gunship piloted by Harrison himself. Kirk, returned to his post as captain of the Enterprise, takes Spock and co on the hunt for this terrorist.
Harrison has fled to none other than Chronos, the Klingon homeworld. Before departing from Earth, Scotty faces his own personal dilemma as news of seventy-two highly explosive nuclear warheads appear onboard the Enterprise. Without knowing the contents of the weapons and hearing Kirk's opposition to abandon them, Scottie resigns as Chief Engineering Officer thus putting Chekov into the position.
I'll stop with the spoilers there for obvious reasons. Into Darkness dives into some deep Trek lore which I, for the life of me, can't even bare to ruin for die-hard fans. J.J. Abrams clearly spared no expense going all-out on this venture. All of the original actors are back with Benedict Cumberbatch presenting himself as John Harrison and Alice Eve as Carol Marcus/Wallace, Kirk's love interest and a Science Officer with Starfleet. The acting is solid for Chris Pine (Kirk), Zachary Quinto (Spock), and Cumberbatch. You could say he almost steals the show as Harrison, but that would be unfair to the stellar performances from everyone else. We don't get much as far as the remaining crew: John Cho (Sulu), Zoe Saldana (Uhura), and Anton Yelchin (Chekov). Simon Pegg (Scotty) receives an interesting side-story which I personally enjoyed and found quite comical. Coming from the Raging Redshirt, I expected no less than comedy, but Pegg put in a personal side to Scotty showing his reluctance to believe the established word on a matter.
Sound came through booming from the soundtrack returning from the first movie to the phasers, languages, and photon torpedoes chewing into the hull of the Enterprise. Films like Into Darkness need to be seen in theatre to enjoy the full, immersive sound of the environment throughout each scene.
The overall aesthetic of Into Darkness came through even more than the first. Nibiru's lush red landscape acted as the perfect contrast to Chronos' weathered, war-torn appearance. The Enterprise opened up a bit more this time around to show off Engineering in her absolute gorgeous beauty. Abrams made sure that when you sit down to this film, especially in 3D, you're strapped in with the crew for a two hour roller coaster.
In no way did I leave the theatre wanting more or feeling dejected or bereft. Into Darkness delivered on its premise and then some ending in what I believe as yet another perfect segway into a sequel. While Abrams may be starting work on Episode VII, don't count him out just yet for his contribution to the new and improved Star Trek universe.
I will conclude my review by saying get off the f*cking couch and see this damn film.
Stay tuned next week for the exciting end to the Wolfpack with The Hangover Part III.
Catch it late or on time only on The Late Duck.
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