The Other Car

Shame on you if you didn't catch the title reference. I refer to, of course, Dr. Ellie Sattler's line in Jurassic Park after discovering the second car that went over the side via a pissed off T-Rex. Why would I bring to light a twenty year-old quote? I do believe that aforementioned film hit the coveted twentieth anniversary mark. That's right, dear readers, Steven Spielberg's (in my opinion) flagship film has reached two decades! Why do I consider this his capitol film? Well, just look at what he accomplished. I was but a young lad in the early nineties, so my knowledge of just about damn near anything was relatively non-existent for another few years. 

Jurassic Park started filming 24 August 1992 after a little over two years in pre-production. Keep in mind, this pre-production period was spent creating every single inch of the set, props, and the huge-as-f*ck animatronic T-Rex. Literally, the live-action model they used in the film stood twenty feet and weighed around thirteen thousand pounds. Jack Horner (the film's paleontology expert) remarked "this is the closest I've ever been to a live dinosaur" when viewing the final animatronic. My words would've been more along the lines of "can I get a fresh pair of underwear?" In a short featurette, Spielberg revealed he fully intended for Jurassic Park to be shot in 3D. Had he the technology then, three year-old me would've seen it for the first time in three dimensions. In fact, allow me for Spielberg to inform you himself. 

After seeing the film in 3D at midnight Friday, I can honestly say that would've scared the ever-living f*ck out of me as a toddler. My six year-old brother would've ran out of the theatre rather than hide behind my mother's seat and my one year-old sister still would've been sound asleep throughout the movie. Now, at twenty-three and after seeing the movie over fifty times, I can say that sometimes the oldies are even better with an added dimension. Jurassic Park still looks like a movie that was shot not even five years ago. I've seen the CGI in today's films and TV shows and it's laughable at its worst. Spielberg and his team gave this film their all. Without Jurassic Park, the world would've never had an inexhaustible library of sound effects. How many times has the T-Rex roar been rinsed and repeated for other films? Woe, I only have ten fingers and ten toes. 

From the opening scene with Muldoon and the raptor transfer, I was wrapped in the moment. There will be times when characters on screen just don't look too flashy in 3D, but the dinosaurs and chase sequences are absolutely incredible. When the T-Rex emerges from her paddock to wreak havoc on Lex and Tim, I was on the edge of my seat. The same could be said for the T-Rex/Jeep chase, Grant and Tim escaping the tree, and the T-Rex vs raptors finale. I've loved Jurassic Park for twenty years, had all the toys, played the video game at Chuck E Cheese's, watched The Lost World, and ignored the less-than-appealing third installment. I mean, come on! Spinosaurus is a f*cking punk for taking out T-Rex like that! Does his jaw look like one for massive crushing capability? Hells no. If you haven't already or you're still on the electric fence debating, go back to Isla Nublar. 

My official stance on Jurassic Park 3D- if you've never seen the film shame on you or if you're wanting to go back to the Park in style, then get the f*ck off the couch and see this damn film again. If you're a one-and-done type, then keep chilling with whatever movie's on. 

Another technical re-release came out Friday as well. I call it a re-release while it's more a remake, but yeah, it's Evil Dead. Many of us Ash Williams fanboys were initially up in arms over the hint hint of a remake. What is this? An Evil Dead movie without Ash? Without chainsaw? Without deadites? WITHOUT BOOMSTICK?!?! Never have I ever been so glad to be more wrong. Fede Alvarez's remake of Sam Raimi's 1981 classic delivered on every single concern I had months ago. But oh, dear sweet Ashley Williams was this one every bit more violent than thirty-two years ago. True story, some light-weight threw up in the theatre I was attending. Luckily, Evil Dead doesn't suffer as much from "too-much-trailer" syndrome. Horror movie wannabes today show way too damn much of the "scary" bits in the trailer, so by the time you catch the flick, you're without any surprises. Yeah, Evil Dead's red-band trailer had plenty to show, but I wasn't as gut-wrenched then as I was when actually watching the film. 

Everything was a definite improvement from the 1981 version for obvious reasons. Bruce Campbell applauded Alvarez for his ability to modernize his debut into acting. In fact, allow me to let him to you himself. 

To be fair to Bruce and Sam, it was the early eighties. Of course you wouldn't have top notch effects and the like. Regardless of what anyone says, they ushered in a series that took the horror/comedy genre mash-up to another level. Not to mention the bad-ass one-liner book went sky-high in the eighties (thank you, Mr. Schwarzeneggar). It's not a shotgun anymore, it's a mother f*ckin' BOOMSTICK! I mean, come on, good......bad......I'm the guy with the gun. 

The acting is what you'd expect from a horror movie.

I hear a noise. It's coming from down that dark and badly lit hallway.

You should go down there.

Really? It seems a little dangerous. 

No, you'll be fine. We're all right here where it's perfectly safe. 

OH, DEAR JESUS! I'M BEING POSSESSED BY SOME DEMON SHIT THAT ASSHOLE WITH THE GLASSES UNLEASHED! YOU SHOULD ALL BE AFRAID OF ME NOW INSTEAD OF THINKING I HAVE MENTAL ISSUES! 

Luckily, the movie was peppered with those moments where it's gory as all f*ck, but you can't help but laugh to keep from crying or screaming. And believe me, this Evil Dead spares no expense when it comes to the overall buckets o'blood scare tactic. It's like that one scene in Family Guy: 

It truly is everywhere. Alvarez probably thought what can I do to these actors? Pour every form of blood on them in the worst, most insanely gross ways imaginable. Now, I really don't want to get all story-happy for obvious reasons. If you've seen the original, then you know the premise. Demon-craft, chainsaw, boomstick. Bada-bing. For this Evil Dead, I will definitely score it as follows: if you've seen the original and want to see a thirty-two year later version with blood on blood action, then get the f*ck off the couch and see this movie. If you've seen the original and are happy with Ash, don't worry about the remake. If you've never heard of Evil Dead, Ashley Williams, Bruce Campbell, or Sam Raimi............well, first off welcome to the real world and please, go see the original three films and top it off with a blood-soaked cherry of a movie. 

Both Jurassic Park 3D and Evil Dead deserve a high-five from Borat. 

In other nerd news, Django Unchained and Injustice: Gods Among Us release a week from this Tuesday, 16 April. A while back, I posted my review of Tarantino's latest peak in Hollywood, so check it out if you've not seen the Academy Award winning feature. I'll have more news on Injustice as the date draws near, but I can say this now after playing the demo: Batman and Wonder Woman seem relatively balanced as far as ranged and close-combat with Batman acting like Scorpion (the whole Bat-claw grappler move) and Lex Luthor might not be everyone's favorite heavy-hitter. He's pretty slow and hard to work with in-game. Wonder Woman is a delight with ranged attacks via the Lasso of Truth and her sword/shield combo. Personally, I'll probably chill with Green Lantern or Sinestro at first. I'll have the mid-tier collector's edition featuring Wonder Woman and Batman going at each other's throats atop the Fortress of Solitude. Expect only my wondrous description via text. I'll try for video this time if I don't botch the script royally like Tomb Raider or Bioshock: Infinite. Honestly, filming anything Han-style (solo) is complicated. 

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